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EP 36 WARNING! Don’t Listen with Your Kids! How Do I Deal with Mom Guilt? Redefining Success as a Busy Working Mom- Time to Slay that Monster Like David Slayed Goliath

EP 36 WARNING! Don’t Listen with Your Kids! How Do I Deal with Mom Guilt? Redefining Success as a Busy Working Mom- Time to Slay that Monster Like David Slayed Goliath

April 14, 2021

*WARNING!! DONT LISTEN TO THISS ONE WITH YOUR KIDS!*

EP 36 How Do I Deal with Mom Guilt- Redefining Success as a Busy Working Mom- Time to Slay that Monster Like David Slayed Goliath

We're going to talk about this big monster, and we're going to take this thing down. And this big monster that we're going to talk about today is called mom guilt. I know all of you guys have had this monster in your house. We're about to take this mom guilt monster down like David took down Goliath. Are you ready? Let's go.

Podcast: http://bit.ly/whollymadelifepodcast

IG: @angietoninirogers

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Email: angietoninirogers@gmail.com

Wholly Made Life™ Short Assessment: http://bit.ly/shortassessment

Hey, what's up ladies. Welcome back to episode 36. And today we are going to talk about it. We're going to talk about this big monster, and we're going to take this thing down. And this big monster that we're going to talk about today is called mom guilt. I know all of you guys have had this monster in your house. We're about to take this mom guilt monster down like David took down Goliath. Are you ready? Let's go.

Hey, welcome back ladies. And we're going to talk about this big monster that I know a hundred percent of you guys who have kids deal with probably on a daily basis, if not multiple times. And it is the monster giant called mom guilt. I said it we're going to take them down. Like David took down Goliath because it is time to stop the madness and slay that giant. Okay. Number one, mom, guilt. What is it? It is basically when you feel guilty for doing things other than being a mom when you go to work, when you start your business, when you try to do self care, when you try to go to the bathroom for the love of God, with the door closed this mom guilt. And not only that, that you kind of put this on yourself, but it comes from expectations from society.

Maybe it comes from your mother-in-law. Maybe it comes from your mom. Maybe it comes from your sister. Maybe it comes from your best friend. Maybe it comes from your church. You know, everybody's got an opinion on what kind of mom you should be and what you should and should not be doing. Maybe it's all their opinions about whether you should breastfeed or not breastfeed, or whether you're teaching your kids sign language, or whether you are putting your kid in an extra tutoring class or allowing your kid to be in gymnastics and cheerleading and soccer and baseball and all of these things. You know, whether you are going to every sports event that your kid has, there are so many things that cause this monster mom guilt in for me, a lot of it is related to my work for a very, very long time.

Most of my kids' lives. Actually all of my kids' lives until June, until I just dropped Clayton off to college. My career essentially came first. I spent double the amount of time on my career and businesses that I then I did at home with my kids. It didn't mean I wasn't a mom. It just meant that a lot of my time was away from my kids. So yes, my kids were in daycare for for most of their lives. So it is so real, this guilt that we feel is so real, it's overwhelming, it's stressful. It's a lie that we believe. And we're going to talk about how to slay that thing today. Okay. So, you know, there are some things that you might feel a twinge of guilt for that is valid, and that should make you stop and think about the ramifications of what it is.

For example, if you are using extremely harsh words or yelling a lot, like I, you know, I am very passionate as you can probably tell three people that know me, especially people that I've worked with, just know that I get very passionate. My voice gets really loud and Ammonite it animated. And I use my hands a lot and I move a lot. And so they're like, you know, calm down, you know, and sometimes it can be misperceived as that I'm angry or something like that. But sometimes it's just that I'm just passionate about something and it's just the way I express myself. But I also, on the other hand am a yeller. I did a lot of yelling, especially once my second one came around, I had Clayton. And then of course, you know, he, that was easy for the first four years. I was by myself where he was by himself.

And so it was, it was quite frankly easy, easier. And then when the second one came and then certainly when the third one came you know, I have all boys and the two little ones just fought and wrestled and listen, I'm all about that boy life. But what people, you know, sometimes don't tell you about kids or, you know, all of the things that, you know, we pray and we're thankful for our kids and stuff, but we all have those things that like, you know, the blowout diarrhea all the way up the back while you're trying to get out of the house. And then you got two kids that just knocked the lamp off the table and the dog that threw up on the floor all at once when you're trying to get out and get them to school on time so that you can get to work on time.

You know, people don't really talk about that part of motherhood, but the way that I responded to that is sometimes I yelled a lot and it was, it's not, it was something I felt guilty about. And so that guilt is not necessarily to condemn myself and not forgive myself, but it is purposeful. It is, I guess there is a, a worthiness to that guilt because that isn't the best way to be yelling all the time at my kids. That's not the best way they think I'm critical. They think, you know, it, they just grow up thinking that I, they can never do anything. Right. And then I'm always going to yell and I'm never going to be happy and I'm never going to laugh and they're going to have fun, all those things. And so sometimes that guilt is there in it, but it gives you an opportunity to step back and do some self-awareness and some self-assessment to say, okay, what can I do differently?

Okay. But most of the other guilt that we're talking about, the things that are related to expectations from everyone else, and then the own expectations you are putting on yourself, because you have some grand idea of what a great mother looks like, and you're not meeting up to that. But if you're thinking about the Brady bunch, you know, and I don't know some other Suzy homemaker person that does all of these perfect little things and puts notes in the, in the lunch boxes with the cute little, you know, Mickey mouse shaped sandwiches and, and heart cantaloupes. And, you know, come on, give me, give me a break at that. Number one is not me. And quite frankly, I feel no guilt for not doing that. Now I, I have in done the little notes in the lunchbox, but you all want to know the straight truth is that when my kids were going to school and they were taking their lunch, Dwayne, my husband made their lunches.

I, I can't remember the last time I made my kids' lunch. Okay. It just is what it is. And you know what, I'm okay with that. I don't feel guilty about that anymore. But the point is is that there are so many things that we feel guilty about, and especially when it comes to work. So let's just talk about a few things that might be making you feel a little guilty. Number one, how many of you guys sometimes get a little annoyed with her kids? I, how many of you guys sometimes get annoyed with the nonstop talking or the look at me, look at me. Look at me. Look at me, look at me, look at me and then look at me again. And that's awesome. You've done the same thing a million times over now. I love the stuff out of my kids.

Okay. But let's just be honest. If you've ever been annoyed by one of your kids, I want you to, you know, raise your finger, raise your hand. Or if you're in the car with your kids right now, maybe this is an episode you should listen to later, but I probably should have given that Kathy in the beginning, but it's just life. It is what it is sometimes, you know, on episode 35, I think I just talked about the mood elevator. Sometimes you're in the red, on your mood elevator. You're way, way low. And you're on that impatient and frustrated, or maybe you're a little angry and hostile and you just aren't in the mood for that right then. And sometimes we give ourselves a lot of guilt for that. Well, I want you to know that it's okay to sometimes not feel like answering that question that they've asked a million times already.

Okay. It's okay. Something else. Let's talk about being a little bored here. Here's the truth. I love working in my career. I love running a business. I love feeling that sense of accomplishment. I also love when my kids you know, get a blue ribbon at the swim meet or when my kids get honor roll. I love those things because it makes me feel like I've done something to help that my kid earned that. So I feel a sense of accomplishment for both things. And it's okay. If you focus on your career and being a mom at the same time, it's okay. It's okay. If you actually enjoy your career more than reading goodnight moon. Okay. It's okay. There's no reason to beat yourself up about these things. Big thing I want to talk about is it's okay to redefine what you feel like successes in being a mom.

It's okay to redefine those. If you have not sat down to really think about what is it to be successful as a mom? What, what would I feel good at the end of the day or at the end in 20 years when my kids are all grown up, what would make me feel good as if I have succeeded as a mom? What are those things? And then it doesn't seem like such a big deal that you didn't do that extra game of Play-Doh today. We talk, it's a balance, right? You have 15 minutes of dedicated time with your kiddo and you play a game with them, or you read a book or you go to a soccer game or you go watch them on the trampoline, whatever it is you're doing, that's dedicated time that you're spending time, but it's not going to break, make or break.

If you don't spend the extra hour making a Play-Doh castle, it's just not, it's not going to in the end of 20 years, it's not going to make or break whether or not you were successful as a mom. So I just want you to stop beating yourself up. It's it's our kids are going to be okay. The number one thing is that if we have given our kids to God and we've given our faith and trust in God that he is going to cover us and stand in the gaps where we have not done everything we could have, or we failed in certain things, or we yelled one too many times. I think about my childhood growing up and my mom and dad best that they could, but they were perfect and they may mistakes. I ended up okay. And my kids are going to end up.

Okay, too. So it's okay. My mom worked, my dad worked we, we were home alone a lot and we turned out fine. It's just a lie to think that your focus on your career or your focus on instead of doing a Play-Doh castle, you are going to finish this report, or you're going to make this one phone call. It's just in the grand scheme of things in 20 years, when your kid is out, all grown up, think about what it is that you would want to know about your kid to feel successful. And then just backtrack from there, just focus on small things. We've talked about this in the whole relationship, part of our pie, where we're talking about parenting, we've talked about, you know, time blocking, where we just schedule in 15 minutes, a day or an hour, a day, or whatever it is that you feel comfortable with, you makes you feel good that you have spent with your kid.

You've taken that intentional time to let your kid know that you're there from the, for them. And that they're important to you and that kind of thing. So just be intentional about those things. Okay? The other thing is to reach out for help. Listen, we need that village. It takes a village to raise a child. We've talked about this. You need your village. You need your village. People reach out for help. I, a hundred percent promise you that somebody, you know, is feeling the same way you are about that next diarrhea. Blow out that went up through the baby's or that last ER trip, because your kid jumped off the couch yet, again, thinking he was Superman or that time you went to the ER, and then the guys at the ER, actually had a social worker come in and talk to you because this is the third ER trip, because your kid continues to jump off the top of the playground at the school.

Yeah, that's true. My little Clayton who now he'll be 19 in July. He jumped off the top of the playground at daycare three times, he had to deuce eggs in two weeks on his head, same, same place. And he ended up with a stretcher fracture in his leg because he was jumping off the playground. So I had to have a conversation because stress fractures in legs are not normal. Now of course there were lots of witnesses and they all, you know, settle that. And it wasn't a big deal. Other than you know, that there are no nurses and doctors are doing their job in, in the ER, but for the love of God, you end up in the ER, three times because your kid keeps jumping off the playground at school. You're not there. What are you going to do? I, you know, I felt guilty yeah.

About it. And I felt like horrible about it because I was at work, but what am I going to do? Lord have mercy. So things like that, that just make you feel so helpless and guilty. You've got to reach out for help is I is where I was going with that. You've got to reach out for help. You've got to take your own time for self care. You've got to protect your physical and mental health. You deserve to have help. You deserve to have a break. And it is time that you take that stone out of your pocket and shove it in the face of this monster called mom guilt and put it down for good slate. It, cut off its head and hold it up for everybody to see and say, no, no more. I am not going to, to succumb to these expectations that are unrealistic.

That don't matter. At the end of the day, it just doesn't matter that it didn't take the five extra minutes and do the extra Plato castle today. It just in a long scheme of things, the grand scheme of things, it's just not going to matter again. We talk about balance. This is not an every, you know, you don't skip it every year, but it's okay. Oh, here's another good one. Oh my gosh. This is. And especially as they get older, well, it happens a lot when they're little, you know how your kids like repeat stuff that you and your husband were talking about in your home. And then they go and repeat stuff that you said about someone. Well, so first, first lesson don't talk about people in front of you at all, but especially in front of your kids, if you, you know, you don't want your kids to repeat it.

But secondly, think about the time where your throwing a tantrum in the middle of the floor. Look, I promise you, another mom has experienced that. I have, you know what I did, I walked around the corner and I said, when you're ready, when you're ready to get up I'm ready to go. And I went and I stood by the door and I kind of watched from afar, monitoring him for safety. And I waited. He was throwing a tantrum about a Snickers bar. I kid you not the looks, the looks that I got in this door. Oh my gosh. I swear somebody was probably going to call security if I didn't go over and get them in a few minutes. But it is what it is. Listen, every single toddler in their life throws a tantrum. And sometimes yes, it's in front of a big, a big audience.

And it is what it is. It's just inevitable. Your kids are going to do something that is going to be embarrassing to you. But let me tell you something. It doesn't mean anything related to your parenting. You know, when my kid posts something on social media, he's 18 years old. Yeah. There's things that I might be embarrassed of because I am attaching what the choices are that he's making to everything that I did to raise him. The reality is he is his own person. He's going to make his own choices. And sometimes those choices are not going to be ones that approve of so I can make that clear. I don't approve of that choice. I would like for you to take that down off social media, that is embarrassing to me. You are not representing me as your mother in a way that I want you to, but that is life.

It doesn't, it doesn't define all the things that I, that one act that my child does. Doesn't define who I am as a mom. It doesn't mean that I don't have to talk myself down when things like that happen, but you just have to put in perspective, okay. I've rambled on quite a bit. I just wanted to speak to mom guilt because I know that thing is real. I know it, it, it, you know, it doesn't feel like a lie, but it is sometimes when you're in the middle of it, it just doesn't feel like a lie. But let me tell you something, mom, guilt is a lie for the most part. It's a lie. It here's the thing. Pray about the guilt that you're feeling, pray about it because God and the Holy spirit will guide you and let you know, is this something that I need to look at like that?

But like that one example I was giving of me yelling too much. That was real. And the Holy spirit you know, I, I prayed about it and it was very clear. It was revealed to me that I was yelling too much. I was stressed and taking out the fact that I was irritated and tired and spinning everything that I had at work. And I didn't have anything left for my kids. So I was just yelling. I had no patience left. So I had to figure out how to rebalance that so that I would not spend all the time that I had with him yelling. So sometimes it's, it's good. So define what success looks like to you, define what those expectations you are. You have of yourself and make sure that those expectations are realistic and pray about it. Pray about those times that you're feeling is especially guilty about something, pray about it and let the Holy spirit kind of lead you on what you need to do about that.

If you have set realistic expectations and you are still feeling guilty about something, then pray about it because he will show you what it is that you need to look to do differently. Guys, if you are feeling stuck, if you are in a place where you cannot, sometimes all it takes is somebody else outside of your situation, to look at what's going on and help you see something differently. Sometimes we're so deep in a situation that we just cannot see, see beyond it. If you're in that place and you just need another set of eyes, reach out to me, email me at Angie, tonyRogers@gmail.com. And I will help you by being that other set of eyes, I will make sure with you that the expectations you've set for yourself are fair and they're reachable. They're attainable. And if you know, you're in so deep that you cannot see above the water, I will help you get to a place where you can see above the water again.

All right, ladies, we will see you on the next episode. Get ready, slay that giant. No more mom, guilt taking over it's time for you to slay that giant once. And for all I know you can do it. You have been called specifically for your children. You were given your children on purpose for a purpose. You were exactly who God called you to be for your children. For the world changers that you are raising. They are yours to raise, and God has given you them, and he's trusted you with them. So do not feel any more guilt about you being the mom. God chose you specifically to be the mom for your child. Okay? No more mom guilt. That giant is slain. Hallelujah!

 

EP 35 How Do I Control My Moods with My Husband, Kids, Boss? Why Am I So Moody? How to Always Look Through Rose Colored Glasses

EP 35 How Do I Control My Moods with My Husband, Kids, Boss? Why Am I So Moody? How to Always Look Through Rose Colored Glasses

April 9, 2021

EP 35 How do I Control My Moods with My Husband, Kids, Boss, Friends? Why Am I So Moody and What Can I Do About It? How to Always Look Through Rose Colored Glasses.
Mood Elevator by Larry Senn

This technique you can use to help regulate yourself and know yourself. Get some personal awareness in where you might be on what we call the mood elevator so that you can improve your relationships with everybody else around you. Okay? It's everything about you and your mood elevator.

Podcast: http://bit.ly/whollymadelifepodcast

IG: @angietoninirogers

Community: http://bit.ly/whollymadelifefbgroup

Wholly Made Life™ Short Assessment: http://bit.ly/shortassessment

Hey, welcome back to this episode, episode 35 of Wholly Made Life™. And today I'm going to give you a little bit of a technique that you can use to help regulate yourself and know yourself. Get some personal awareness in where you might be on what we call the mood elevator so that you can improve your relationships with everybody else around you. Okay? It's everything about you and your mood elevator. All right, let's get ready for this episode.

What we call the mood elevator. Now I did not make this up. This is something I learned years and years ago as I was in leadership nursing positions. And it's something that we use to help create a culture in which everyone was accountable for, where they were in their elevator. And the idea is, is the more aware you are of where you are in your elevator, the better your relationships and interactions will be with other people. So it's called a mood elevator and it is by, it used to be send to Laney S E N N D E L a N E Y. But I think that that company is been absorbed into another company or something like that. So I actually will put a link in the show notes to the mood elevator the site, so that you can see this for yourself.

And there's actually a quiz that you can take. That's called the mood elevator quiz, and it will help you get a better understanding of the mood elevator. So what it is is if you've listened to any of my accountability series in the first few episodes that I did for the podcast, then you will understand why I think it's so important that each individual be accountable for themselves first, and then collectively as a group, we can all be accountable. And that makes for much better interactions and much better relationships, but essentially what the mood elevator is, is that you imagine yourself in an elevator and at the at the very bottom of the building, the very, you know, the elevators at the very bottom of the building, then you have feelings such as depressed being angry or hostile or stress or burnt out. And if you're at the very top of the building and the elevator, then you are going to be in a grateful nude, or you're going to be wise insightful.

You're going to be creative and innovative. Okay. So that is how the mood elevator works. Now I'm going to go through each of these and I want you to visualize what it looks like. And like I said, you can actually download a copy. It's complimentary and it's a PDF and it will be on the mood elevator.com so that you can take a better look. And I just think this is really helpful. It's been very, very pivotal in my ability to number one repair relationships when I've done or said something that was perceived in a way that I didn't intend it. And number two, to keep from damaging relationships, because we all know that every person around us is not always actively looking and being intentional about being personally accountable and responsible. When we talk about the spirit of fence, for example, that is a spirit in which people take offense to something, instead of understanding that they actually have the control in that situation to perceive that situation differently, which gives them an opportunity to respond differently to that person or in that interaction.

Okay. So this is about your personal awareness of where you are in your mood and how that can impact someone else. So let's just go through the feelings, let's go from the bottom of the building. So this is in the bottom. Think of these as red, meaning that you really want to be very careful about having an interaction with someone, if you are anywhere in this red or bottom of the building, bottom of the elevator if you're any of these moods, okay. So depressed and I'm going from bottom up. Okay. So depressed is at the very bottom angry, hostile stress, burnt out self-righteous judgemental or blaming defensive insecure, worried, or anxious, irritated, bothered, impatient, or frustrated. So if you are feeling any of these things, then think about it in the red area. Those are not times that would be a good idea for you to have serious conversations with people.

The in addition, or let me see, let me back up. So serious conversations with people or hard conversations with people. Like if there's a conversation that needs to be had with somebody that you're in relationship with that is going to be a harder conversation. If you are in any of these mood or any of these levels, this depressed all the way up to impatient or frustrated, that is probably not the best time to have conversations that could be emotional or her something that could possibly hurt someone's feelings for that other person. It would not be good. Now it also would not be good for you because when you are impatient or frustrated or you are in a judgemental or blaming mood, or you are feeling defensive or insecure, you can see how things that are said in a conversation will be perceived differently by you.

When you're in that lower part of that elevator, you will perceive those and receive those conversations and interactions differently. If you are in an impatient or frustrated mood versus a grateful mood, do you see how that would change the way that you receive and perceive information from others? So just be mindful that if you are feeling defensive or worried or anxious about something or irritated or bothered, it might be a time where you would say, you know what, and in as culture where we all have this language where we can say, Hey, I'm real low on the mood elevator right now. I don't think it's a good idea to have this conversation right now, because I don't want to be in a place where I am receiving or perceiving something that you're not intending. And I certainly don't want to say or do anything that might hurt or your feelings.

Okay. So when you are in a place of, it's kind of like when you think about beer goggles or a Rose colored glasses it, that's a saying that means that it changes the way you see things. It changes the way that you see the world. Think about this when you are a young child and w you know, they, when we talk about little girls or boys, when they are little, and they see things in such a, like a rainbow and unicorns way, they don't all of the extra experiences that we have as adults. They're not as tainted. So they see the world so much differently than we do. So this is a technique that you can use to identify where you are, so that you can put back on the right kind of glasses so that you are seeing the world and perceiving the world from a place that you intend to be receiving and perceiving the world, instead of from just flowing, without having any personal awareness.

And, you know, you might, if you're burnt out like in nursing, and I'm sure a lot of professions you get burnt out, right? That's, we've talked a lot about this. You get burnt out on stuff. You get burnt out on Parenthood, you get burnt out on you know, being away. If you get burnt out on a servant at your church, you get burnt out. And it, a lot of times it's because you are in this low end of the mood elevator, and you don't even realize that the reason you're feeling and receiving you're irritated, you're bothered. You're worried about something anxious. You are impatient and frustrated. The reason you are continuing to kind of be in this sick lik response to all of these things is because you are responding out of the bottom of this mood elevator, and you don't recognize it.

So everything that's happening around you, everything that's happening between you and the people you're interacting with, they are being, it's being tainted by these glasses. These burnt out colored glasses, or these worried and anxious glasses, or these impatient and frustrated glasses you're seeing and receiving the world through these glasses. So everything is being colored or tainted by that feeling. Now, the point is, is that you become aware that, wait a minute, I am bothered. I'm irritated right now. So I, when I recently, when I receive something that my husband just said, if I'm in an irritated mood and I don't catch that, I don't realize that. Then my response to him is out of irritation. And then that irritates him. It bothers him. It, maybe it makes him mad. And if I was responsible enough or accountable and that to say, hold on, Hey, listen, I am irritated right now.

This has nothing to do with you. Can we talk about this later? Or I am sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. I didn't mean to it, take it like that, but I'm just irritated right now. And you know, it's not about you and just give me yeah. A few minutes. So it's, it's an intentional catch. You're catching yourself where you are on the mood elevator, when it is changing the outcomes of the conversations and relationships you're having. Hopefully that's making sense. Okay. So let's go on up the mood elevator. Let's move into kind of the middle. All right. Where the is, where you are curious, and you are interested. So if you're curious and interested, well, you're going to perceive what's going on around you and you are going to treat people differently. Then if you're impatient or frustrated, that's just, it's just reality.

If you're coming from a curious and interested place versus an impatient and frustrated place, your outcome with that person, your relationship with that person, your interaction with that person is going to be different. It has to be because you're coming from a different place. Okay. let's move on up. And we're going to go from middle, which is curious and interested all the way up to the top. So flexible, adaptive sense of humor, patient and understanding appreciative, hopeful, optimistic, resourceful, creative, innovative wise, and insightful and grateful. So what did you say that, that perceiving the world around you, perceiving an interaction from a grateful standpoint versus a just depressed or angry or hostile standpoint. What did you say that you would perceive that differently? Absolutely. You would. You absolutely would. This is where I wish I could see you and hear you, because I know that if you are purposefully coming from a place of gratefulness, you are going to perceive relationships are going to perceive interactions differently than you would if you're coming from an angry or hostile place.

Okay. So how do we use this? Number one? We've talked about it. B where, of where you are on your mood elevator, because your mood elevator is yours. It's nobody else's, it has nothing to do with anybody else. It is yours and you own it. Nobody else has anything to do with where you are on the mood elevator. It is all yours to own a hundred percent. So you own it. So that's number one own where you are on the mood elevator. Number two, communicate to those. You are interacting with where you are on the mood elevator. Communicate that to them. So like in the workplace, what I used to do is say, listen, I have had a hard meeting, you know, I know we were supposed to meet and talk about some things, but I've just come out of hard meeting. I don't feel like it would be fair to you to have this meeting right now, because I am not in a good place.

And I want to be in a patient and understanding appreciative, hopeful place when I talk to you. So it's okay to use this language and share this language with people that you are interacting with, especially in the workplace. It's a great cultural tool to use. It's a great leadership and supervisory tool to use and teaching others to use the same language, because we all then have that same and same understanding of where everybody is. Because if you're in a culture where everybody knows the mood elevator, and you say to somebody, Hey, listen, I am real low on the mood elevator. I am feeling really stressed right now. Then if that other person understands what that means, then they understand that. Okay, right now it's probably not the greatest time to tell you about this major thing that just happened, or you know, it's not the time to come to you to complain about something that just happened.

It's something that can wait. Okay. When you're feeling a little bit more with a sense of humor, which is higher on the mood elevator. Okay. All right. So number one, be aware and own where you are on the mood elevator. Number two, communicate to the other person, whoever you're dealing with, where you are on the mood elevator and do it, do it in a loving way. So that they understand this is about you and your mood. Not them. It has nothing to do with them. Let them know that it is, you are owning this and you want to love them enough to wait to have this hard conversation until you're higher on the mood elevator. Okay. And then finally, number three is to use this, to ask for grace and forgiveness. When you have done something, when you are low on the mood elevator in these red areas, this angry, hostile, self-righteous blaming defensive, irritated, frustrated, impatient.

When you have done or interacted or responded to someone, when you were in that low area, then ask for forgiveness and grace from that person, once you're able to do that there've been so many times where I have responded in a way that had nothing to do with the person, but they completely took whether it's offense or they thought I was upset with them. It really had nothing to do with them. So there's been so many times that I've done that. I mean, I, you know, I don't, maybe I'm the only one, but that acts out of, you know, when, when I shouldn't be having conversations or when I should, when I should be communicating to my husband that look, I am tired. I am frustrated. I am hungry. I am really stressed out about this situation. And this is just not a conversation I can have right now and give you the responses that you're looking for.

You know, I haven't taken the time to do that. So then we just end up in an argument and it's totally my fault because I did not own my part. Now, again, I am not saying that the other person doesn't have a responsibility, but you don't get to control that you only get, can get to control you and your mood elevator. The only buttons you get to push are the ones on your mood elevator. Kay. You don't get to push the buttons on the other. Person's a mood elevator. All right. All right. So once again, number one, be aware and own your own mood, elevator buttons. Number two, communicate to others where you are on your mood elevator, and number three, make sure that if you have not gone to the right floor before you have a relationship or B before you have a conversation with somebody that you apologize and ask for forgiveness and grace and let them know, Hey, listen, I was feeling really frustrated earlier.

I know that I responded with you. I was very short with you. I, you know, I know that you got upset when I said that it was not my intent. It's not what at all, what I intended the other way that I use this finally. So, you know, those are the three things, but this is just another way. Sometimes if there's a situation that I can't get out of, I have to have this meeting, or I have to have this phone call. You know, I might just say, Hey, I just want to let you know, I've had a hard conversation just a little bit ago, and I'm a little bit frustrated about it. So I am just letting you know that. Not because I don't want you to take anything that I say as I'm intending to be frustrated or upset with you.

You know, I do that sometimes when I'm talking to somebody about, let's say like, somebody messed up a bill or something, and you're calling, you're frustrated. Why? Because you're on hold with a telemarketer and you're trying to get to the representative and, you know, they won't get you to where you need to speak to. You know, I do that all the time. I say, Hey, listen, I understand you're just doing your job. I don't mean to be frustrated at you. This situation is frustrating me, but I'm not frustrated with you. So you just take a few minutes and you take a little extra time to communicate what's going on with you so that they don't then take the Liberty to take offense or think that whatever's going on with you is actually about them. Okay. Hopefully that made sense. I love the mood elevator.

I love being aware of where I am and if nothing else, what you can do is reflect on conversations. You've had, you know, I'm, I don't know. I feel like I'm a little bit crazy because I will have conversations. If I'm about to go have a conversation that's maybe hard or just I don't know maybe uncomfortable or something. I will practice the conversation first and then I'll go have it. And then after I have that conversation, I'll go back and I'll have the conversation again. And I'll practice, man, when this person said this, this is probably what I should have said. That would have been a better response. She would have received that better. So I practice it. So the people that I worked with prior kept saying, you know, you should have been a lawyer. You're always so quick to, you know, come up with something.

And it's literally because I practice conversations before, and then I review conversations that I've had afterwards. Yeah. you know, that's what a 45 minute commute will do. It'll allows me to have conversations before and after. But it, it also helps you get better at having conversations and get better at realizing how people might be perceiving what you do or say, and that's not what at all, what you intended, you never meant to hurt someone or make somebody feel bad. But because you weren't really monitoring where you were on the mood elevator, you you know, hurt someone and you just didn't intend to. So, all right, guys, hopefully that makes sense. Listen, if you are stuck at all about trying to figure out how can you be more accountable? How can you get yourself to a place where you can kind of break through some of these things that you've heard on this podcast or some of the things you're being challenged to do at work, or you know, in your parenting or your marriage?

Don't forget that I am doing individual and individual coaching sessions. And they are either 30 minutes, which is called the power session or an hour, which is called the deep dive. And we will go through what I call my big idea framework, and we will help you create an actual plan and get unstuck. Okay. So it's, you'll get unstuck. You don't have to stay stuck. If you need some extra help, just reach out to me, email me at Angietoninirogers@gmail.com. Okay. All right. Don't forget themoodelevator.com is where you can go and read more about this. You can download a copy of your own mood elevator, and you could also take a little quiz about where you are.

EP 34 How do I Become Who God Has Called Me to Be? Reflecting on Your 2021 Word- If You Stop Growing, You Die! How are your New Years Resolutions going so far?

EP 34 How do I Become Who God Has Called Me to Be? Reflecting on Your 2021 Word- If You Stop Growing, You Die! How are your New Years Resolutions going so far?

April 7, 2021

EP 34 How do I Become Who God Has Called Me to Be? Reflecting on Your 2021 Word- If You Stop Growing, You Die (Tony Robbins said that) 

How are your New Years Resolutions Going so far this year?

Hey ladies. Okay. Now be honest. How many of you guys have kind of forgotten what your 2021 word was? How many of you guys have been kind of, oops, I totally forgot what my word was and I haven't really been focusing on it. Well, how many of you guys did not choose a 20,21 word? Well, it's not too late today. We're going to talk about what my word was for 2021 and a revelation that I got today, listening to something else. And we're going to go all in on how to become whatever it is in 2021. All right, let's go.

 

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Hey ladies. Okay. Now be honest. How many of you guys have kind of forgotten what your 2021 word was? How many of you guys have been kind of, oops, I totally forgot what my word was and I haven't really been focusing on it. Well, how many of you guys did not choose a 20,21 word? Well, it's not too late today. We're going to talk about what my word was for 2021 and a revelation that I got today, listening to something else. And we're going to go all in on how to become whatever it is in 2021. All right, let's go.

What's up Wholly Made Life™ ladies. How are you guys? Welcome back to this episode. Happy Resurrection. The King has risen and he is our saving grace. So I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for this Easter season, new beginnings and another opportunity today to become who it is you are intended to be. So actually today, that's what I wanted to talk about was I chose. If you go back to one of the very first episodes, I talked about my word for 2021, and I challenged you to pick your word for 2021. Now the first thing is I want to ask you, did you actually choose a word for 2021? And if it is, have you been reflecting on that every day of the year, every day of your week, every day of your month to become or will become as my word, right? Have you reflected on what that word is and try to strive to meet the expectations of whatever that word was.

Are you doing that every day? If not, I challenge you to go back. Think about what that word was and try to journal it out on why you chose that word to begin with and then put it up on your refrigerator, put it in your car, put it on your mirror, put it as a screen scraper on your phone so that you are reminded every day to follow what it is that word is helping you become, helping you strive for expectations that you're placing for your daily action steps. Just make sure that you are using that word to its fullest. So my word for 2021 was to become, and I was reflecting on that today because I want to think about every day am I actually becoming the parent? I want to be, am I becoming the woman I want to be?

Am I becoming the wife that I want to be? Am I becoming the business woman? I want to be, am I becoming the coach that I want to be? Am I becoming the leader that I want to be? And I think what's important about that. Number one is that I'm always actively becoming. I'm never going to get to the place where I stopped becoming something. Because if you stop growing, if you stop becoming, then you die. Think about it. If a seed is not growing, then it's dead. There's no life in it. So you have to continue to push forward every day. And no matter what goal you get to, as soon as you reach that goal, there's another goal that you should be striving for. There should never be a point in your life, as long as you're breathing. As long as you're alive, that you are stopping your growth growth should be happening every single day.

And it should be happening at a rate that is making an impact in your life and everyone else around you in their lives. Okay? So becoming, and I just thought this was interesting. So I thought about this become is actually a verb. I cannot become without taking action without doing something of a verb. If you guys go back to your English classes in grade school, a verb is an action word. It's an action. So it is impossible to become if you are not taking action or not doing or not being. And I just, for whatever reason today, as I was listening, actually to my pastors podcast called culture keys to leadership podcast, he was talking about growing. And I love that saying from Tony Robbins, if you stop growing, you die. And I think about that because I am a constant avid learner. I am always growing.

I'm always learning. I can never know enough. I can never learn enough. I am always reading. I am always listening to books on audio or I am listening to podcasts. I am always seeking to grow. I'm actively and intention of intentionally growing. So it just hit me when I, and I didn't think about this in this way before. Yes, I thought of, okay, I'm going to choose become because I have so much to become. I have so much to do. I have so much growth to do as a wife, as a mom, as a leader, as a coach as a business woman, I have so much to become. And so I chose that word because I'm always working to become something, become the woman that God has intended me to be, but it just hit me today as I was listening to that, thinking about growth that, wow, the word I chose is a verb.

It's an action word. And it's impossible to become if you are not being and if you are not doing so, the definition of become is to begin to be okay, to begin to be. Another way that become is defined is to come into existence, okay. To come into existence. So I am always striving to come into existence to be existing, who it is. God's called me to be another way to say it, to undergo change or development to undergo change or development. So I am always growing. So I'm always changing and I'm always developing. Okay. And so it is an action verb, an active word, which means that as soon as I hit that development, if I, as soon as I get there, there's still going to be underground undergoing of change. Another word, another way to describe this is to be transformed into, to be transformed, to be changed.

That's active, to develop into, to evolve into, to turn out, to be okay. Convert emerge as pass into alter to. So all of these words, when you think about this, when you, if you are an avid seeker of growth or an avid seeker of becoming something, becoming more, becoming, working towards a goal, then you're always being transformed. You're always being developed. You're always evolving into a new creature. And that's exactly what God's called us to do is to continue to grow. You know, the Bible talks about your mind being transformed. Well, that's an ongoing thing. It's not that God, please transform my mind one time and it's done. That's a constant transformation. I'm continuing to undergo change. I'm continuing to be developed into. I am continue continuing to evolve into the knowledge as I learn and grow in to what it is God's called me to be.

I continue to emerge as a coach emerge as a parent emerge as a, as a wife, right? So I just wanted to encourage you today to number one, always understand that every single day, we have an opportunity to act, to take a step, to grow, to learn, but to do this, you have to be intentional about it. You know, you could go through your day and not quote, unquote, learn anything new. If you're not learning anything new, then how is it that you are changing? Or how is it that your mind is transforming and becoming what it is God's called you to be until we are no longer breathing until we no longer have breath or life in us, we are called to be transformed. We are called to become, to become the woman God's called us to be, that's an ongoing process. So I don't know why that hit me the way it did today.

But I just thought, you know, I want to encourage you to understand that this is not something to be accomplished and checked off our list. This is an ongoing thing. And so it's okay where you are today. It's okay where you were yesterday. As long as you are learning and growing and becoming you're in the process of becoming so no matter where you are today, sister, you know, where no matter where you are today, wife and mom, friend, you are in an opportunity where you can continue to become, it's an active thing. So don't get discouraged. Don't, don't lose hope. Don't feel like you've missed it because you haven't, you're being called to be who it is you are called to be. And it's an active thing you never, ever, ever get lost and, and get so behind that, you're not able to move forward.

You're not able to continue to undergo that change and development. And so I am encouraging you today to become who it is you're called to be and understand that that takes work. It takes time it's in, under you are undergoing that change and development. And as you learn and grow, you will have setbacks. You will have jumped forwards and you will have periods of rest or peace or a stillness, and you are still transforming and learning and growing in that time of stillness and rest, you are still in a place where you can find opportunity to rest and find peace in him find that safety in him. So I just wanted to encourage you today. So don't ever stop. Don't ever worry that you're too far gone. You're not, you're not too far gone. You are exactly where you are supposed to be to continue to be transformed into the wonderful wonder woman of God that he's calling you to be, be encouraged today.

You are exactly where you need to be no matter where that is, because as long as you're still here, as long as you still have the breath of life in you, you have the ability and the responsibility to become, to become who it is that he's calling you to be. So just do just be, and that's all that he asks just to do and just to be, and grow and learn love while you're at it. Love hard. And that's it. Okay. So who's ready to become with me, even if that's not your word, you're still becoming all right. I would love to hear what it is your word is reflect back on what that word is. And just if you, if you need to restart or get a jumpstart again, then just write down what your word is. Write down three things that you can do to really go after what it is that word for 2021 was that you chose and just recall and reflect on why you chose that.

There was a reason why you chose that word. Okay. All right, sisters, I will see you over in the Facebook group of Holy made life. And don't forget guys, make sure if you haven't already, I would love it so much. If you would hop on over to the written review on Apple podcasts and leave me five stars and and put a written review in there, that is the best way that we can share this, this podcast with our friends out there. So thank you so much. Have an awesome day, and I'll see you on the next one.

 

EP 33 What You Permit You Promote How to Be Accountable for What Happens Around You at Home and Work- What you Condone You Own- What You Tolerate You Deserve

EP 33 What You Permit You Promote How to Be Accountable for What Happens Around You at Home and Work- What you Condone You Own- What You Tolerate You Deserve

April 5, 2021

EP 33 What You Permit You Promote How to Be Accountable for What Happens Around You at Home and Work- What you Condone You Own- What You Tolerate You Deserve

This is a tool that I use almost every day, and I really try to keep this at the forefront of my mind so that I can be holding myself accountable. And people around me are also held accountable in a way that produces the best possible outcomes for everybody in your family, in your work place, wherever you want. And what this tool is called is what you permit you promote.

IG: @angietoninirogers

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Hey guys, what's up. It's Angie again. And I am here. Your host of Wholly Made Life. And I just wanted to drop a bonus episode for you. This is a tool that I use almost every day, and I really try to keep this at the forefront of my mind so that I can be holding myself accountable. And people around me are also held accountable in a way that produces the best possible outcomes for everybody in your family, in your work place, wherever you want.

And what this tool is called is what you permit you promote. Okay. And I want to make sure that I'm saying that correctly so that you understand exactly what I'm saying. It's what you permit. P E R M I T is what you promote. P R O M O T E. Did I just spell that? Right. Okay. What you permit, you promote. And I wanted to talk about this because as you know, if you've gone through my accountability series, that was back towards the beginning of the episodes. I don't remember their numbers, but there were four of them. I believe it talks about how we can't really hold other people accountable until we hold ourselves accountable. And the whole premise behind what you permit you promote is that if you are allowing things to be said, or to be done, that are, may seem small, or maybe they're big, but it is not right.

Really an appropriate thing to be happening. If you don't stop and address that thing, then you are essentially promoting that. And whether this is in your family or at your workplace, this is a really important technique for you to remember, to hold yourself accountable and then hold others accountable. So just remember what you permit you promote. So this is an example. If one of my three boys does or says something that is inappropriate or not acceptable, if I don't address it, then it allows the other boys to think that I am permitting that. And also then promoting that if I don't correct it, or if I don't point out that that was inappropriate or unkind or whatever it is hurtful, then I am in fact promoting that behavior to continue. So it's really important to address things that come up in real time so that it doesn't appear that you are promoting this it's really important in parenting.

I feel like even when they're small things, because when we don't address the small things, those small things add up to be big things. And it's kind of like if you don't address a small thing, but then when you want to address a big thing, it's like, well, you know, if you don't even address this little thing over here, then why would I think that you're going to address a big thing over here? An example, Apple is this. And I can think of an example at work where you've got a bunch of adolescents in the room together, and one kid says something unkind or mean, or making fun of another person. If you don't address that behavior, at least to say that that's not appropriate. That's not the way that we talk to someone. That's not the way that we encourage someone. If you don't address it in some way, then everyone else around that person who engaged in that behavior will start to feel like that that's an appropriate way to interact.

And not only will they that give that person who engaged in that behavior permission to continue that behavior and then probably escalate that behavior. The rest of the people in that room will also feel like they now have permission to engage in that. So then you think about a group of adolescents or, you know, three boys in your home or, or your kids in your home. If one person starts to pop off and say something unkind to somebody else and then another person, and then another person you've just got all that feeding and that escalates like that. So it's important to at the very least address it somehow some way so that you are not by way of not intervening permitting and then promoting that behavior to occur. I hope that makes sense. So in it doesn't have to be that big of a deal.

It could be something of, you know, I don't like the way that made me feel when you said that to your brother, that kind of hurt my feelings a little bit. Oh mom, I'm just kidding. And so maybe they make that a joke, but they still know that I did not approve of, and I am not permitting them to be unkind and, and make fun of their brother that way. Does that make sense? It's kind of like when you don't address those things, it just sends the wrong message to everybody else in the room. It communicates your values. So whether you do or don't address these things that happen, it communicates your values. I can think of another example. You're sitting in a group and let's say one of your girlfriends starts to talk about someone that's not in the room. If you sit there and don't engage and don't interact and don't say anything, but you're sitting there listening, you are in fact engaging in that conversation.

And you are in fact then permitting that in, in sitting almost in agreement with whatever's going on, which can quickly turn into gossip. And we know as I've talked about back in another episode, that gossip is very hurtful and it's something that can damage relationships very, very quickly. So the right thing to do in that situation would to be, to say, you know, I'm not comfortable talking about this that person's not here to defend themselves or to give us their side. So why don't we, you know, not have this conversation or why don't we switch on switch to something else now, does this take a little bit of courage? Yeah, it does. It takes some courage and you can do this in a kind way, but it's about kind of standing up for things that means something and not allowing small things to build up to where, you know, you've got one kid, one of my boys making fun of another kid and I'm sitting right here and then the other one pops off to him and then the other one then kind of kicks them in the shin and then the other one starts throwing stuff.

And then all of a sudden, all you they're all on the floor and in a big old gang pile of, of punches and somebody ends up crying and stomps off to the room. I mean that to me, yo boy moms, if you all experienced this Lord have mercy. Or is it just me just as my wild and crazy boys? I don't know, but the constant fighting and wrestling and, you know, those mean word jabs that end up in punches and then somebody getting upset and running off with their ball to the room. It just doesn't have to get there. Or the very least, they, they at least know that I disapprove of the way they're talking to each other. You know, I'm reminding them, you know, that's, that's not okay. There's power in your, in your words. I don't want to hear you say those things about your brother, whether you're joking or not.

That's not an inappropriate joke. I don't like that. I don't approve of that. Okay. So it's just, you know, this is, this is good for any circumstance that you're ever in, whether you're on a team at work, whether you are parenting your kids, whether you are serving at your church, whether you are in the grocery line and you know, someone's talking bad about the checkout girl, you know, it's just, it's not okay. And I just don't ever want to be a position where I have some sort of accountability or I guess, responsibility or ownership in causing situations to escalate to where they would be hurtful or you know, lack, integrity. Okay. So again, what you permit you promote, you know, when you tolerate a certain dysfunction, it actually signals that you're condoning that dysfunction to occur when you don't speak out against it, when you don't act out against it, it basically gives license to that person to continue that.

And then while that person continues that behavior, other people will start to fall in line with that and say, well, she gets away with it. I can get away with it. And then it just festers. So I really feel like us as you know, powerful wonder women, as I talked about in a couple episodes ago, it's our responsibility and it's our, and I think we should be accountable to raise the standards of conversations and interactions that are happening in our circles. It's I think it's, we are in a place where we can help to transform the conversations and the interactions that are happening. And it, it, it almost forces other people to step up their game and to just be a better person to be around. So I will leave you with this, what you permit, you promote what you allow, you encourage, what you can don't you own and what you tolerate, you deserve. And a lady by the name of Michelle Malkin said that. All right, lady. So my challenge to you today is to only permit and promote what you want to get and see more of. Okay. All right, ladies, I will see you in the next episode, make sure you hop over to our Facebook group so that we can continue the conversation over there. And if you have any comments, I would love for you to hop into my email at Angie, tonyRogers@gmail.com. And let me know,

Know what you're thinking. Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us. You're five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back. 

 

EP 32 How to Level Up in Every Area of Your Life- Wisdom of an 11 Year Old Boy- Gain More Balance in Your Relationships Finances Career Physical Health Self-Care

EP 32 How to Level Up in Every Area of Your Life- Wisdom of an 11 Year Old Boy- Gain More Balance in Your Relationships Finances Career Physical Health Self-Care

April 2, 2021

EP 32 How to Level Up in Every Area of Your Life- Wisdom of an 11 Year Old Boy- Gain More Balance in Your Relationships, Parenting, Marriage, Finances, Career, Physical Health, Mental & Emotional Wellness, Personal & Self-Care

Oh my goodness. The wisdom of an 11 year old. So what he talked about was leveling up and making the best of every situation, making the best when it's raining or when you don't get what you expected. So in turning that around to something good. So today's episode, we're going to talk about how you can level up in your life.

IG: @angietoninirogers

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Hey guys, welcome back to this episode of Wholly Made Life™. And today I'm going to give you a little treat. It is a conversation that I actually caught on recording. When we were sitting, waiting for my grandmother to come out of the beauty shop. And I had my 11 year old Bryson with me in the car, and it was a conversation that we were having. So I have this app on my phone that I just press record. And I've been trying to do that more often where, you know, we're having a really good conversation and it's something that I want to remember. So anyway, here is his conversation

Are tying the bad things into the good days. Like if it starts raining, we're all sad and tired, but go outside and go catch yourself somewhere. What's good about cash and worms, you know, you can catch early Elisa. It's going to just see how big of the ones you can get. And if you, if he fish like me and my dad and the males, that was the con we catch also, cause we don't gotta pay for no more go catch them. And it's like, it's like hunting. I set up traps in the yard. I just put bricks down and I flip them over and then there's worms there. Wait a minute. So that's why all my concrete payors are out of order. Yeah. Okay. I was wondering who was moving those. Okay. Proceed. And yeah, if it's raining, you'll get yourself somewhere.

So what you're saying is be happy about the rain. Yeah. Be happy about the storms. Yeah. Okay. What else were you saying? Well, I didn't make a sub. I got this from a YouTuber that I watch a lot. He fidget fishes and he says level up in real life eat. Like he says level up level up in real life and said just playing game, he level ups, characters, but level of, and try new things a lot. Like I'm trying fishing and camping yourself, which is a leveling up of her life leveling up and like cook and stuff. Yeah. Learn how to cook stuff, which is leveling up in her life. So, so basically instead of lovely, like what is it earning levels in the video game he's talking about and they'll go earn your levels in real life. Yeah. Okay.

I love it. What else? If it's hot weather go play with the water holes or go to your pool or I don't carry and water. If it's, if it's warm outside in springtime and you there's all the trees and flowers, booming, blooming, go pink, go take pictures of wills. Yeah. What's your favorite in the spring? You said that the other day, you think spring's your favorite season? Why? And what's your favorite about it? Well, it just came one of my favorites now because as I got into things in spring times of this time to go fishing and I like seeing all the flowers and the trees and stuff. Oh yeah. It's a sign of new life. New beginnings. Yeah. It was just like yesterday. There's snow storms, which is, can turn into good too. You can go sledding. Yeah. even that I was doing workouts or guilt side, I was collecting wood and I storm your, yeah, it wasn't collecting worms yet though. Cause it was one one's here. You know, you can't find worms in the winter I guess, but you could find good tart, but and yeah.

Oh my goodness. The wisdom of an 11 year old. So what he talked about was leveling up and making the best of every situation, making the best when it's raining or when you don't get what you expected. So in turning that around to something good. So today's episode, we're going to talk about how you can level up in your life. Let's go,

Hey mama, welcome to Wholly Made Life™ where I believe that you are not created to do just one thing in your life. Well, you are not just your job, your title or your salary. You're not just a mom or a white versus sister. You are fearfully and wonderfully made to lead in all areas of your whole life. Your life is like a pie that's made up of different pieces that create a complete circle and girl, you deserve to enjoy the whole pie. Hi, I'm Angie Tonini-Rogers and mama. I know you are really good at what you do in your profession or business, but if you're ready to stop ignoring different pieces of your pie and reclaim your whole life, then you are in the right place. Girl, let's tap into the whole life. God has for you and experienced that God size fulfilled life together. We're going to walk through some boundaries, leadership mindset and restoration in different areas of your life that may need to change. It's going to be some tough work up in here, girl, but we're going to walk this thing out together, uncovering some bull courageous actions that we can take to experience, not just a good life, but your whole life. Are you ready to live your whole life? Holy made. Let's do it.

All right, guys, let's jump into the Wholly Made Life™ short assessment. We are going to level up today after we've really thought about each area of our life and where we think we fall in those areas and figure out how to start leveling up in each of those areas. Okay. All right. So this Holy made life assessment you can take online and what it will do is you'll take the assessment. It'll give you points for each of your answers. And then at the end, you'll have a total points. And then what you can do is plot that on the pie chart that I have available for you just to get a visual of where you are in each of those areas. And it will kind of give you a visual of the areas that are either much closer to being a hundred percent satisfied or a hundred percent comfortable in that area versus other areas that you feel like might need a change or might need some work.

So let's talk a little bit about this. This just gets your mind going and thinking about how you feel in each of these sections what's going on in each of these sections and then what you can do to start to balance out some of those sections and ultimately level up. All right. So let's talk first about the section of physical health, physical health, mental health, your overall wellness. Okay. So here are some options that I want you to think about and if it's you, you can jot down a which one it is. And I'll go through option one through five. Okay. Or actually let's do a through B. So it's not confusing once you get the numbers, because these are in no particular order and the assignments of numbers to each of these. I don't want you to get confused if you write down number one and think that that's a one.

Okay. So in your physical health, mental health, your wellness, your overall wellness this is the area that you're going to be thinking about. So option a, you feel pretty good about it. You feel pretty good about your physical and mental health. You feel content, you feel satisfied. You feel like your health is overall pretty good, but you know that there's some places that you could improve, either your physical or your mental or emotional health wellness often be it's not your priority. Or maybe you have some health issues going on that you are kind of ignoring or pushing to the side because you're too busy to deal with it. Option C sometimes you take care of your health. Sometimes you don't, you feel like your health is pretty fair, but you definitely know that there's a place that you could do. Some things to improve.

Option D would be that you're in great health. You really focus on your physical body and your wellness regularly. It's totally your jam. And then option E would be that, you know, that you should focus on your physical or mental health or your emotional wellness, but you really just don't make the time for it. So that is the physical section. Let's move to spiritual. So again, you're going to choose what's most like you, it's not going to be exactly in your words, but just the feeling behind it, the content behind it, just figuring out what, which one you kind of fall into. All right. Option a is going to be that you believe in something, but it's not really something that you focus on. As far as spirituality option B is you are kind of in a place where you're asking, what does spirituality even mean?

What is the spiritual area of my life even supposed to look like? And you feel kind of lost in this area. Option C is that you would definitely describe yourself as spiritual. You always feel like you're listening and you're looking for confirmation spiritually of what you is going on in your life. You feel inspired by the word and you feel like you take daily steps of faith, whether that's prayer or listening to a worship song or I'm meditating on the word or just, you know, throwing up thanks and praise. When you feel like something has given you some confirmations option D is that you feel very connected and you pray, you meditate on the word, you meditate on positive thoughts. You repeat those things to yourself. You read scripture, you read positive ideas or you listen to audio. You listen to podcasts that are spiritually focused and you feel very encouraged by that. And then option E is that you think, you know what you believe. But, or maybe you have heard stories from others that you know, that that has worked for them, but you feel like you personally need to see more growth and you need to see more of that manifesting in your own life.

All right,

Next section is going to be financial section. So think about your finances in this next section and figure out where you feel like you might fall option a would be that you're a hundred percent satisfied with what you make at work or what you're making in your business. You feel like you have enough and you don't really have to worry about those a hundred buck target runs or going out to dinner or, you know, spending money on vacation. You just feel like you are in a place where you have enough and you just don't have to worry about it. Option B is that you're feeling pretty comfortable, but you feel like you could be more knowledgeable about what's going on in your finances. But you feel like you're doing okay. All the bills are paid. You have extra, but you're not really thinking about futuristically when it comes to your finances, option C is that you don't really have time to think about this. You are kind of very neutral bills are paid, but there's not any extra option. D is that you are living

Paycheck to paycheck. Okay?

Sometimes you are having to Rob Peter to pay Paul. Okay. And then option E is that you have lots of debt. Maybe you run out of money at the end of the month, all the bills aren't always getting paid. You are constantly having to move stuff around. You lose sleep at night about how you're going to pay for this or that. Or if an emergency came up, you wouldn't know what or what or where you're going to get the money to pay for that. Okay. That would be optional. All right, let's move to professional. Option a is going to be that you have no idea, really what you want to do. You want to be you're in a place where you just don't really enjoy what you're doing and you feel like, or, and or you feel like you work way too much, or you don't work enough.

You don't get enough out of your professional option. B is going to be that you enjoy what you do, and you do find some meaning in it. You have a feeling of being connected. You have a good time at work. You enjoy your coworkers. You feel like you're on a great team. And you just feel like you make a difference when you're there. Option C is that you feel busy, but you don't really feel productive. And you don't really feel like you're making an impact. It definitely pays the bills, but you don't really love it. It's just, it's a way to get your bills paid. And you don't really feel like you're accomplishing anything now or maybe a future option D is that you're very, you're pretty content in what you do. You like it enough, but basically you could take it or leave it. And then the last option in this section of professional is that you really love what you do. It really lights you up. You feel alive, you feel very sick. You feel super accomplished at work. You feel really successful at work.

All right.

And then the next session is going to be, let's talk about relational, this, this section. So we're going to talk about you think about your marriage. Think about your relationship with your kids. Think about relationship with your friends, for this section. All right. Option a, is that you're completely satisfied with all your relationships. You have plenty of quality time with your husband in your marriage. You spend time on your marriage. Maybe you go to retreats with your husband. Maybe you go to marriage. What do they call conferences? You, you spend a lot of time on your marriage with, with your husband. You second thing is that you feel pretty satisfied with your kids. You feel like you have enough time with your kids and you get good quality time with them every day. Or, you know, at least throughout the week, you're doing maybe dates with their kids and things.

And then thinking about your girlfriends that you, you regularly are able to go out with your girlfriends, or maybe it's a church group or whatever the social is outside of your kids and your marriage. Whatever that is, you feel very satisfied with that. You never miss a date night. You always go to sports games with, you know, that your kids are a part of you never miss a chips and salsa or game night with the girls, a Bunco, whatever it is you're doing. Okay. Those are examples. All right. Option B is that you feel pretty comfortable in your relationships, but you feel like you could be more engaged with, you know, either your kids or your husband or your girlfriends. Maybe you feel like you are going through the day to day with your kids, but you're not really getting good quality one-on-one time with them.

Your relationships could feel a little bit better, but you still feel okay about things. And if one of those, whether it's your husband or your kids if one of those is true for either one of the kids or the husband, then you could pick this one. It doesn't have to be for all of your relationships, just, you know, whatever was most important to you. Alright, option C is that you don't really see your friends much. You definitely keep up on social though. And you would say that you don't really have time for a date night with your husband because you're too busy for your schedules. You don't really work out schedules together. It's maybe it's feels pretty much. Get up, go get dinner and get a bath in bed and that's it. And then the day starts over again tomorrow.

Okay. Maybe that's where you are. You would be in C option D you don't have time for get togethers with friends. You definitely don't have time for date nights. You don't really have alone time for intimacy. Things always feel pretty rushed with the kids. And basically when you think about your relationships, you really have kind of a hard time remembering when the last time is that you guys really laughed and had a great time together. And then the final option in this category, it would be that you have some gay nights. You have some other fun activity together as a family, at least a couple of times per month. You miss some nights with the girls, but you always are able to catch up on the phone when you do, maybe you feel pretty close with your husband most of the time, but, but there could be some more time to be just with each other.

Okay? You feel pretty good about having those one-on-one moments with your kids, but you feel like meth, there could be a little bit more time that you could devote to that. That would be relationships. All right? And then let's go to personal and self care. So this is anything to do with taking care of yourself, which might cross over into some of these other sections that we've already talked about. But let's think about specifically what you do for yourself. All right. Option a is that you're totally into self care. You definitely make time for yourself regularly, and you feel pretty refreshed after you're able to spend that time on yourself. You deserve it. So you go do it. And this could be going to the salon. It could be a massage. It could be a walk. It could be you know, grooming your dog.

If you'd like to do that, it could be washing your car. It could be a meditation. It could be exercise, whatever those things are that you feel like you take for you and only you, or option B is that you don't really feel like you have enough time for you. You don't have time for self care, however that's defined for you, but you do know what you would do if you had the time. So even though you don't have enough time, you do have things that you feel like go into that category of what self care is for you. And so you have options. You just don't have the time for it. All right. Option C is going to be what is self-care. So you don't really know either what self-care is, or you really just don't have a long list or even a very short list of what your self care items are.

You just can't really think of things that you like to do to take care of yourself. Some people like to go get a pedicure. Some people like to go do their nails. Like I said, some people like to go sit in the garden. Maybe you like working in the garden, but if you can't really think of what those things are, that really kind of lights you up, then this might be your option for this category. You've maybe you feel like you've kind of let yourself go and you definitely put your needs last after everybody else's. So sometimes that means that there's really not time for you at all. All right. Option D is that you spend a lot more time taking care of others and you are on the regular last. And in fact, you don't do anything for yourself because you spend so much time taking care of others. And then the final option for this category is going to be that you try to do something on your self care, at least a couple of times per month, but it just doesn't always work out. So you make an attempt or intent. You are intentful, or you are intentionally making an attempt to do some self-care to rejuvenate or refresh yourself, but it just doesn't always work out with your schedule.

Okay?

So those are the questions like you will find on the Holy made life, short assessment. And so if you want to see what your score

Is, then make sure

That you go into the show notes and click the link to get your free assessment so that it pops up. You take the assessment, you get your score. And then what you can do is plot that on the pie chart that I also have available for you. So you can kind of shade that in. So you, where you are, if you're anything like me, you just need something visual to look at because a visual is what kind of helps you keep everything in mind. I just like to look at stuff. It just makes it easier than no one kind of comparing numbers in my head. I'm just, that's not me. Okay. So that is it guys. Now, if as we've gone through this, you felt like man, there's a lot of areas. I feel like I need to change in. And you just are feeling a little bit overwhelmed or stuck, or don't really know where to go.

Make sure that you email me at Angie, tonyRogers@gmail.com and grab a session. I am here to help you with that. That's what I'm coaching women with is helping them identify the places they feel that overwhelmed so that we can break it down and make it manageable. Sister. This is not, it's not something that has to be overwhelming. This is something that we can work on together so that you can start to feel like you can level up in your life, in every area of your life so that you can feel more balanced. You can feel more joy and just restore that hope and, and just feel that healing in every area of your life. Okay? You definitely deserve to feel whole in all areas of your life. And that's what we're here to do. We're walking this thing out together and I can't wait to hear from you. So one other thing, make sure you hop over to that Facebook group so that we can engage over there.

Okay? All right, ladies, have a great night and I will see you on the next day. Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us, your five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

EP 31 What is Your Super Power? You are Wonder Woman! Fully Equipped with Who God Has Called You to Be! Walking in Your Purpose for your Family Super Mom!

EP 31 What is Your Super Power? You are Wonder Woman! Fully Equipped with Who God Has Called You to Be! Walking in Your Purpose for your Family Super Mom!

March 31, 2021

EP 31 What is Your Super Power? You are Wonder Woman! Fully Equipped with Who God Has Called You to Be! Walking in Your Purpose for your Family Super Mom

Listen, SIS, you are stronger than you. Believe you have greater powers than, you know, because no matter how small, an act of kindness or generosity or simple positivity you put out into the world, it will make a difference. Do you guys know what that's from? We're going to find out in this episode!

Welcome back friends to this episode of Wholly Made Life. So I want to start today and talk about your super powers and yes, you have super powers and they are given to you by God

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 So when I'm talking throughout this episode, I want you to know that. Obviously I want to acknowledge that your superpowers are given to you directly by God. So I wanted to talk today about wonder woman, have you guys seen this movie? I tell you what, it's one of the best movies I cry and cry and cry every time I watch it. It's just amazing. But let's talk a little bit about who wonder woman is. So according to vocabulary.com wonder woman is a noun. It's a woman who can be successful at being a wife and also have a professional career at the same time. Hmm. How many of us does that sound like?

I just defined every single person listening to this podcast. Sister, you are a wonder woman. You are the wonder woman. So I want you to think the episode where, not the episode, the part of the movie, if you guys have seen it think about the part of the movie where they are in this bunker. And these guys have been stuck in this bunker for so long. They've not been able to progress forward to take over the area that they have been trying to take over. So she decides that because the choice was to go on and continue on their journey, her and her group, and let these men die in this bunker because they'd been there forever and they couldn't progress forward and they were going to die. They couldn't retreat and they couldn't go forward. They were just going to die. She decides instead to sacrifice herself and put others first.

So she jumps out of the bunker. She starts taking these bullets so that others can go ahead and take over the enemies bunker as you watch her in her strength, put her shield in front of her and step out alone and take bullets after bullets, after bullets, also that all of the others can run forward. And go ahead while she is the one under aim, she is the one under fire. I cried and cried during this part. And this is because of her strength, her compassion for these people, her empathy and her need to serve and save that's her power because she is a woman and women have these empathetic, strong feelings. This need to care for others. It's just an innate, nurturing quality that we have. That's us. That's women. We are wonder women. We are her. We embody everything that wonder woman is because that's who God has called us to be.

That's how we've been created. We sacrifice so others can go. We sacrifice so others can do. We sacrifice so others can eat and sleep. We go without so that others can have, we don't sleep because there's too much work to do sometimes. So when you think of wonder woman or the strongest woman of God in your life, who do you think of and what qualities do they have? Do you think of you and the qualities that you have when you think of a wonder woman? Why not SIS? You are that wonder woman. You are her don't you understand that there's somebody in your life thinking of you as their wonder woman. When someone asks them, who's a strong woman in their life, the wonder woman of their life, the wonder woman of God, you are the one that comes to that. Person's mind. There's somebody in your life that calls you, you their wonder woman.

Why is that so hard to believe? Friend? Why is that so hard to believe you are her. You are the strong woman of God. You are the wonder woman. I'm going to tell you why it's because the enemy constantly asks us. Who do you do? You think you are well, who do you think you are thinking? You're wonder woman thinking you're strong. Yes. The enemy can cause that doubt and disbelief in who you are, then it keeps you from working on an, in your purpose. If he, the enemy can keep you from doubting who it is that God has called you to be and the strength and all of the equipping that God's putting it within you so that you can walk out into that battlefield. You can walk out into your purpose and with your shield of God and take that fire from the enemy and keep on moving forward.

If he puts doubt in your mind, then he keeps you from walking in your purpose. He keeps you from walking out into that battlefield with your shield and doing the dang thing. He keeps you from protecting yourself with your shield when you need it. Because if you can get beat down enough, if you can get in disbelief and doubt enough, then you'll stop taking action. You'll stop taking those steps. You'll stop acting. You'll stop working. You'll forget who you are or you'll doubt what your calling was in the first place. That's what the enemy wants to do. He wants to strip you of your identity and your identity is that you are strong in Christ. You are the woman of God that he's created to be. So I'm here today to remind you that you are are wonder woman. You're the wonder woman of God.

You are here at her. You're victorious. You're royalty. You're strong. You're courageous. You're bold. You're blessed. You're called. You're chosen. You're restored. You're renewed and redeemed. You are strong in Christ. You're strong. He's equipped you with everything you need and everything. You are to be the wonder woman for those around you. You are her. And I don't want you for a second to forget that you are wonder woman. I may give you a couple quotes from wonder woman. If a loss makes you doubt your belief in justice, then you never truly believed in justice at all. And she also says, I will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. You have been equipped to fight for others. Now I know that only love can truly save the world. So I stay, I fight and I give for the world. I know can be, that's a wonder woman.

And that's who you are. You are stronger than belief than you believe you are stronger than you. Believe you have greater powers than you know, you know why? Because all the powers and the strength that God has given you is already within you. It's already there. It's always been there. It always will be there. And you just have to recognize it and walk in it. Walk in your equipping. You've been equipped. Walk in your strength, walk in your power. That is made that power by Jesus by God take no, we're not that without him. But he's given all of this to us. Wonder woman was trained to be an unconquerable warrior. She fights. And as she fights, she discovers her true destiny and purpose. So I challenge you today, sister, to walk as an unconquerable warrior because he said, we are an overcomer. He said, we are the head and not the tail we are above and not beneath.

He said, we are overcomers and we are conquerors in Christ. Jesus, you have been trained. You have been equipped. You are an unconquerable warrior and you will fight. And as you fight, you'll discover your true destiny and your purpose lean into it. Okay? All right, sister. That was what I wanted to encourage you with today because you are strong and mighty in God. He is equipped you. You are somebody wonder woman don't ever forget it. Okay. Says, I'll see you on the next episode. Hey, wonder woman, before you go. I just wanted to remind you that if you feel stuck or if you can't quite identify what your superpowers are, grab a coaching session with me. I have 30 minute power sessions and an hour deep dive. Go ahead and hit me up on AngieToniniRogers@gmail.com to get my coaching menu. And we can talk further about what it is you need. All right.

Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us, your five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

EP 30 How to Bless & Release Your Adult Child. Moving from Rule Regulating Parenting to Relationship-Based Parenting. When it’s Time to Let Go & Let God! For Biblical Scriptural Mamas

EP 30 How to Bless & Release Your Adult Child. Moving from Rule Regulating Parenting to Relationship-Based Parenting. When it’s Time to Let Go & Let God! For Biblical Scriptural Mamas

March 26, 2021

EP 30 How to Bless & Release Your Adult Child. Moving from Rule Regulating Parenting to Relationship-Based Parenting. When it's Time to Let Go & Let God! For Biblical Scriptural Mamas

Ladies! We are going to let go and let God sometimes that is one of the hardest things to do. I want to acknowledge it right now that this is hard, hard work, but sister, you can do it. Let's go friends. We're going to let go and let God!

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Hey guys, today, we are going to let go and let God sometimes that is one of the hardest things to do. I want to acknowledge it right now that this is hard, hard work, but sister, you can do it. Let's go friends. We're going to let go and let God okay.

 Welcome back to this episode of Wholly Made Life today. I want to expand a little bit on what I talked about on the last episode, which was going seven levels deep on your why. And I brought up this conversation about our children and letting our children go. And I'm currently in this season where my oldest is now 18, he'll be 19 in July. And he went off to college all the way to Arizona, 26 hours away. And that was one of the hardest things ever is letting him go that far and learning how to continue to parent from a place where he's a teen and he's into adulthood changing over that style of kind of a rule based parenting to a relationship based parenting because what's so important throughout. And we've talked about this in lots of other episodes for different things, but relationship and honesty and integrity in that relationship is number one.

And so I've always tried to create this relationship with my kids, where they feel comfortable enough to share with me and talk to me about the truth about what's going on in their lives, what they're doing, how they're feeling, even if the actions that they're taking are not desired, ones are not ones that I would necessarily approve of, but creating that relationship where it's safe enough for them to come to me and talk to me about what's going on. It's that fine line of condoning versus loving conditionally despite their behaviors or despite what they're doing. You know, interestingly, as they transition into teens and especially adulthood, it's really important to kind of, as a parent, try to transition out of that rule based regulation based parenting, where they need those rules and confinement such as you know, when they're little and they're going to touch a hot stove, well, you're going to jump in and you're going to take over and you're going to do the things you need to do to keep them safe.

There becomes a point though, when they get into this teen and adulthood where they're starting to create their own independence. And at some point we're going to have to let go and let God, right? Because despite our want to create this safe place for our kids, they still have to grow and learn and do on their own, whether they're making mistakes or not. And of course they're going to make mistakes. We all did. And I mean, when I think about myself in college and other, and even, you know, yesterday there are mistakes that I make on a daily basis, but if I didn't make those mistakes, I wouldn't have learned to do things differently to get a different result. So as a parent, we have to allow that ability for our child to make those decisions. And I think for me, when I was talking about that seven levels of why, of why I get so worried, anxious, upset, why it bothers me if one of my kids makes decisions that I don't approve of or that kind of thing.

It also comes back down to that same thing that I've talked about before related to how people perceive me as a parent, as a person in society, as a leader who, whatever that is, if my kid's not acting right, then it reflects something upon me was how I used to take that on. And what's important to realize is that just because your kiddo is doing something that they should or shouldn't do it doesn't reflect on me as a person or as a parent necessarily. Now it's really hard to not take that on. And I can give an example. If I see something posted by one of my kids on social media site that I don't approve of, I am going to pick up that phone and let it, especially for my oldest, I'm going to pick up my phone and be like, dude, what are you thinking?

Think about how you're representing yourself, how you're representing your family, your school, your job, because that's important and that's parenting. But at the same time, I have to choose to allow my child to at the end of that, make his own decision. And I shouldn't say child, I should say young adult. Okay. And obviously I'm going to be a little bit more careful about how I approach that because I don't want to create guilt and shame for behaviors that are not appropriate, but redeemable. Okay. So I am saying to you kind of how I'm thinking, like, dude, what are you doing? But as I approach that with him, I'm going to have that conversation a little differently, obviously to try to remove some of the judgment and maybe the critical nature of that conversation to ensure that he knows, listen, I love you. And I want the best for you.

And I want you to portray yourself in the best light. I want you to be you, but I also want you to be true to who it is you're called to be that kind of thing. And it's just a really hard transition because when they're 14 or 12 or 11, if they post something or get involved in something, I have that ability where I'm still in that rule-based parenting stage where I can just give consequences and take away the social media, take away the phone, you delete his account, that kind of thing. But once you get into young adulthood, especially when they're paying for their own phone, their own bills, there's a limited amount of regulating that I can do at that point. And while I wish and hope and pray that my child or my young adult will present himself in a way to society that is respectful and loving and displaying who it is that I know God's calling him to be.

That's not always going to be the case. And I can't always assign whatever that perception is to the job I did as a parent. Now, have I made mistakes? Yes. A hundred percent. And I continue to make daily mistakes because none of us are the best parent we can possibly be all the time because we are fallible. We make mistakes, but that's what God's there for. He's there to stand in the gap from when we make our mistakes. You know, as long as you know that you've done the best you could do with the resources you have, and you are attempting to use biblical principles to raise your children such as like in Proverbs 26, it says, train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he's old, he will not depart from it. That speaks to our foundation that we're building with our children so that when they do grow up to be adult children of ours, that they won't depart from it.

And that their spirit will be drawn back if they do sway or do fall away a little bit, but they've got that foundation and they've got that relationship with Holy spirit to come back to what matters. And the other is that Proverbs 13, 24, whoever spares, the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. So when I talk about not owning the outcomes of our children, that's not a hundred percent, you know, because we do have a responsibility to parent biblically and take the responsibility to discipline our children in a way that's going to be able to create the most productive children we can. But to also know that it's our job to put that foundation in. But at some point they're going to have to make choices and that God will cover and God will stand and go after his children always no matter what.

And so even if we haven't and been raised by biblical parenting, gods stands in that gap because overall God is our father. And he always has been, always will be. So we have that responsibility, but at the same time, you know, they're still individuals and they still are going to make their own choices. Especially when you get into that late teen adult, a young adult to take on the full responsibility of every choice that your adult child is making is just not a fair thing to put on yourself. It's just not, it's not a fair thing to do to yourself, to beat yourself up because your adult child is making choices that you may or may not agree with. Does that make sense? But it's an inner work as a parent to not define our success or failure as a parent based on decisions that our young adult children are making.

And I just thought for whatever reason that came up and I thought, let me talk about this a little bit more, if not for you guys for myself, because I still, when these things happen, I still have to stop that circling thought that starts to happen in my head of, Oh my gosh, people are going to think like, what in the world are you doing? How did you raise him? I mean, are you raising, you know, barbarians over there? Or what, because number one, I don't know that people are actually thinking that because when it's not your own kid, it's not, there's not a responsibility or that ownership to feel a certain way about what that other kids that other moms kid is doing or saying. However, there is that, that it takes a village to raise. So like a lot of people in my church helped me raise my, my kids.

And I mean, two of my kids don't remember life before we were part of this church atmosphere that, you know, they've grown up there and everybody knows them and everybody's looking out for them. And, you know, I'll have people come to me and say, Hey, are, are, did you see that or this? And I appreciate that because I think it does take all of us to love each other enough to help each other raise our kids. But at the same time, they don't own how my child, my adult child presents himself in the community. I own that. So I'm going to see that differently than somebody else might. Okay. And my challenge to you would be, if you are in a place where, when people's children do things that you think, wow, they should not have done that, or whatever the case may be to just challenge yourself and think about, are you defining the quality of that?

Child's parents parenting because of the way that children are acting. And again, when they're small children, toddler, age, you know, all toddlers have these stages where they cry and scream and kick and throw tantrums. And certainly all of us have different parenting styles. And there are some styles that are more effective in squashing, certain kinds of behaviors than other styles. So I'm not necessarily talking about that. I'm just challenging you to really think about and reflect upon feelings and thoughts that you get about people's parenting styles before you make judgment, reflect on that and understand that every parent is most likely doing the very best that they can with the resources, experience, knowledge, support, health, status, money, status, et cetera, that they have at that given time. Everyone's most likely doing the very best that they can with the resources they have at that time.

And it could be an opportunity where maybe the Holy Spirit's nudging you to provide some sort of assistance, whatever that assistance might be, or maybe it's just prayer for that parent in that child. Okay. So again, it's just a small nudge and challenge because I had the same thing when I think these things about myself and there have been times in my life, especially in behavioral health, where I dealt with adolescents, and there were horrific stories about things that parents did or didn't do. But I also, the way that I could be most effective with that child as I was helping that child stabilize some behaviors or working with the parents, as we were trying to get the kids back into the homes, what was most effective was for me to remember that there are a lot of circumstances that I'm not privy to. There's a lot of history and experience or lack thereof that I'm not privy to.

Or if I am that I can start to see that they were doing the best they can with the resources they had. So it's just a small challenge as we're talking about making those judgements about parents based on children's behaviors. The other big thing is that somebody in my church in a leadership meeting said this last night it's about getting on your knees and praying because sometimes at the end of the day, you have to just pray because that's what we have control over. That's what we have the power over. We have to trust that God's going to do what he said, he's going to do. We, we know what he says about us, and I know what he says about my child, my adult child, and I have to just trust. And if there are things happening as I continue to walk out this, being an adult, being a mom of an adult child, when things happen, if they happen, I have to continue to remember that the best thing I can do is yes, continue to speak life over him and continue to pray that those are the most powerful things is reminding him of who he is, who he's been called to be, and then trusting God to move him and draw him near.

And this is about just in general, how we can empower ourselves to continue to parent in the best way that we know how once our kids hit adulthood. I'm not saying that my child was out there doing all kinds of crazy things or any air. He doesn't know, you know, kind of who he's been called to be, but all of us, as we transition into that college life, we it, at least this is my first time transitioning into this place where, okay, I can't just give him the rules and say, this is what you're going to do. And my 14 year olds coming up on that age to where I've got to kind of drop some of that rule, regulated parenting and build more into the relationship. So one of the best things I think, besides the prayer and speaking life over your children and continuing to do that, no matter what I mean, you know, until my kid until the day that I'm no longer walking this earth, I will pray and speak life over all the people in my life, because I believe that God hears those prayers.

And I know that God will do what God does, which is work everything out for our good, I think that the best thing we can do in addition to giving it to God and continuing to pray is to just love, love our kids, love the people in our lives because we can't control our kids' choices or lifestyles. It's just our job to love them. And we love them regardless. We love them unconditionally. We don't make our love conditional on whether or not our kids doing what he, I think that he should do. It's not a conditional love. It's a unconditional love. And letting our kid know that we are so grateful for who he or she is. We're so grateful for what God's put into their life and put into their spirit and just calling out all of those things that God has said about our kids and loving them unconditionally, because it's not just because we love them unconditionally doesn't mean that we have to approve of choices or lifestyle.

And this is with anybody in your life. I love all because that's what God tells me to do is to love all I love big and I love hard and I love all, but it doesn't always mean that loving someone means you have to accept behaviors or choices that they have. You can love people close to you or far from you without having to condone what it is they are doing or saying you don't have to always agree with everything, but just because you disagree with something doesn't mean you can't love. So it's not about judgment. It's about loving someone enough to be beyond what choices and lifestyle. And thank God that people have loved me beyond my choices sometimes and my lifestyle sometimes. Okay. You know, I am grateful for those that continue to love me, regardless of the choices that I made. I mean, I had let's see, I met my husband 24 years ago and we, we were married 11 years later in two kids.

So despite that choice that I made and the lifestyle that we lived for 11 years, where we cohabitated and we got pregnant, I was, we were together five years before I got pregnant with Clayton. And, you know, I beat myself up about those choices. Cause I wish that I could have done it differently. I wish I could have done it. The way that I know is right, which is to get married first and then have kids. But it's just not the way that it happened. It's not the, the lifestyle that I chose for that time. Now it's hard at this day and age to say, do, as I say, not as I do, because the reality is, is that as we lead our life, we leave an example for others. Now I hope that my kids make a different choice than I did all of us as parents.

Do. We all want our kids not to go through the same mistakes that we did or they make the same mistakes that we did. But the reality is, is that I also learned through that mistake, my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband now is tighter than it has ever been because I learned through those choices that I made. I learned how, how grace, how much grace and how much mercy and forgiveness I learned how to forgive and love harder and bigger than I would have otherwise. You know, the timing of Clayton's birth was such divine timing. So God blesses things, even though we may not be always doing the things that we're supposed to do, not blessing our choices in our lifestyle necessarily, but he loves us enough to be faithful to us and to have that grace and mercy. So I just felt like I wanted to expand a little bit on that topic because I still, you know, as a parent, I want what's best for my kids.

And I know that you do too, but sometimes as parents it's that balance of that rule, regulated parenting versus that relationship related parenting. And then also how to deal with disappointments or things that happen when our kids or our husband or people close to us are making choices that we just don't agree with, or that we, it breaks our heart because we know that choice is not going to result in the blessing that we want for them. So being able to balance those things with also understanding conditional love, regardless of those things, and also understanding that our God is a big God, and God will set us free. God will watch over us. God will send those angels before us to protect our paths. He's, he's saved us for so many things that we don't even know that we were saved from. He is working all things out for our good, so it's that faith and that trust, knowing that that's also happening, it's about handing over our trust to God and knowing that he will stand in the gap, he will continue to cover and protect.

And we know that he will continue to pull the people that we love closer to him, despite our own choices. And it's about not taking on the ownership of every choice that the people in our lives make. If it's different than what we would have chosen, their choices, other people in our lives, including our adult children or, or our small children, their choices don't define who we are or define how we did as a parent or how I am as a wife. Yes, it's connected, but it doesn't define who I am as a parent or who I am in God or who I am as a wife. You understand what I'm saying? It's it's important that they have a foundation, but an individual's choice is that individual's choice. The reality is, is that the only thing that defines is something for that person. There's not a direct 100% connection or definition that that gets attached to another person based on another person's actions.

So I don't know how clearly I'm saying that, but it's just important to remember that it doesn't define who you are as a parent. The only thing that defines who you are is what is in the Bible. It's got to align with that truth. So just remember that when you're struggling with that, if you struggle with that, like I do and have just remembering to align it up with the truth of what God says, who you are. So I just want to pray over you and your children today. God, I thank you for your consistency. I thank you for you having the last say in who we are. And I just thank you for the grace and the mercy. I thank you for being there to stand in the gap when we have to let go and let God I thank you for being the, the person we can lean on.

I thank you for giving us a safe place to hide under your strength under your will, under your wings of protection. I just thank you that you have given us a stable place to be in love in grace and mercy and forgiveness. I thank you God for saving us. I thank you God for protecting us. God, give us the strength, the wisdom, and the discernment on when and how to intervene in our young adult children's lives and our young child's life and our husband's lives and our coworkers life. God give us the strength, the wisdom and discernment. That's what I pray for right now, for all the parents, listening, all the coworkers, listening, all the sisters and the wives, listening. God give us that wisdom and discernment to know when and how to intervene in a way that is going to be in alignment of love.

Unconditional love for our sister or brother, son, or daughter in Christ. I thank you God for that discernment. And I just thank you for loving us. The overwhelming love that you have for us, let us have even a small, tiny portion of that for others in our lives. Give us the ability to love so big and so hard that regardless of the choices that the people in our lives are making, that they know that we love them. That's what we're called to do. Loving others. Like you have loved us in Jesus. Holy, all, mighty name. Amen. All right, sisters, thank you so much for listening. And if you've liked this episode, please don't forget to share it. Leave a review that helps us get the word out and get the podcast shared to show up for when others are searching. It just is such a huge help.

And I'm so grateful and thankful for you guys who are listening. And again, if you are ever stuck in a place where you just don't know how to proceed through something going on, don't forget that I am offering one-on-one individual sessions. There's a half hour power session and a one hour deep dive where we can get together and we can get through wherever it is that you feel stuck. Okay. just email me at Angietoninirogers@gmail.com and you'll be able to get information on the coaching menu that I have. Thank you guys. Love you guys. Have an awesome weekend.

Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review and you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us, your five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

EP 29 How to Go 7 Levels Deep to Find out and Define Your Why- Why It’s So Important to Dig Deep to Understand Your Why-Your Reason for What You Do, Dream, Say, and for How You See Love For Moms

EP 29 How to Go 7 Levels Deep to Find out and Define Your Why- Why It’s So Important to Dig Deep to Understand Your Why-Your Reason for What You Do, Dream, Say, and for How You See Love For Moms

March 24, 2021

EP 29 How to Go 7 Levels Deep on your Why- Why It's So Important to Find Start Define your Why-Your Reason for What You Do and Love For Moms

Today, we're going deep... 7 levels deep. Let's talk about the seven whys, have you guys heard of this? It's, it's called lots of different things. Seven whys, 7 levels deep the 7 Why exercise... This is something that a lot of people use in coaching and in supervision leadership, as well as you know, a lot of sales teams use it to help motivate their, their workers.

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Welcome back ladies to this episode of Wholly Made Life. And I am actually in my car recording because I could not catch a break at home this week to get these episodes recorded. I mean, it's a never ending coming to and from and boys wrestling and dogs barking and a new corn team to have to start over. I mean, for the love of all mighty God, Jesus pray for me. So yeah my youngest had to go onto quarantine again because someone on the soccer team had been exposed or had gotten it and whatever the, whatever the specifics were and all of the kids had to quarantine again. So he's home again with me this week and I love him to life. But he is just a talker, not but, but, and he is just a talker and so it's not a possibility for me to record. So anyway, I had to run over to the school and pick up his, they call it the Wednesday folder. So I was like, well, you know what, I'm just going to hit record in the car and I'm going to talk about my episode. So then I was going to do for you guys and I don't have my notes or anything like that. So you guys just love on me and support me and just hang with me

And we will get this thing done

Then. Okay. All right. So actually today I wanted to talk about the seven whys, have you guys heard of this? It's, it's called lots of different things. Seven whys, 7 levels deep the 7 Why exercise? And yes, I'm saying the number seven and then why, W H Y and I think this is important. This is something that a lot of people use in coaching and in supervision leadership, as well as you know, a lot of sales teams use it to help motivate their, their workers. A lot of people use it within culture to create this missional culture where each person is connecting with their WHY by the way, a really good book. If you are wanting to connect with your why, or wanting to look deeper is Start with Why by Simon Sinek. , my gosh, Simon Sinek, S I N E K.

I'll put a link to the show notes to what his, where his book is. I don't get anything for sharing that you guys, I just when I find good stuff, I like to share it. So, and by the way, regarding that there are some things that I talk about and share on the show and I might have an affiliate link. And what basics, basically, what that means is that I get a small commission for sharing it. It's a way that if you click that link and you happen to buy a course, or you happen to buy a product that I am an affiliate of that it's just a good it's a nice way to be supported. And it helps me fund the efforts for the bucket. So there are some things that I am an affiliate of. One of which is I, I don't, I had lots, I don't know.

I don't like 12 people or something recently asked me, how did I start the podcast and all that stuff? Well, I took a course by Stephanie Gass. And so I am an affiliate of her course, because she gives you everything. You need to start a podcast. So when you go to ppu.atrogers.com, you can get her course. And so when you do that, I would get a small commission for that, just for sharing it. So that's how that works. So anyway, I just wanted to be upfront and open about that, but also I'm just, I don't, I am certainly for the, most of the stuff I talk about and I share on this podcast, I'm not an affiliate of, I just love this stuff. Like here's something else that I was going to mention later on, but I'll mention it now.

I go to a church called The Kingdom Center Church in Louisville, Kentucky, and my has written hundreds of songs. And she and her worship team called violent worship just released their EP of five songs. I'm in love with all of those songs, because number one, they're amazing life-changing songs. If you really pay attention and let the words move in you and let the Holy spirit move over you during that worship and praise, then you will be forever changed. And each of those songs have a different time and season in my life, but also I know and love and hang out with, and Just Life with all of the people that are on that album. So I, they're my friends and they're my family. And so when they do something great, I want to share it because I love them and I love what they do. And I also know that what they do impacts the world. So, you know, I just have that philosophy in life when somebody that is in my close circle or in my life is doing something great that I know is impacting people positively. I want to share them. I want to, I want to share that I want to share them. I want others to him be impacted in such a way that I have been and my wife. And so I just believe in sharing that and, you know, I don't get anything for sharing, you know, that related to violent worship, other than just knowing that you will be blessed and I'm blessed when you're blessed.

So anyway, if you have not gone out, you can go on iTunes and Spotify, wherever it's a violent worship, and it's a five song EP, and it'll change your life. If you let it all, I'm a big worship and praise person and music moves me like nothing else. So I'm always changed when a certain song hits me a certain way.

Get the Violent worship Album- Round 1 right here

So okay. So let's go back to the seven whys. And so what this is, it's seven questions deep. So basically when you think about something and you're, you're trying to look deeper, maybe you're trying to grow a little bit, you're trying to find out why it is that you do what you do, or why do you like what you like, or why does your heart's desire point in a certain direction, sometimes focusing and reflecting on

Asking why

Seven levels deep will help you get to what's under it. And I'll use a quick example and it might be a little messy again, cause I don't have any notes or anything with me, but so I thought about the doctorate degree that I'm getting the nursing I'm getting a doctorate of nursing and I only have the project left to complete and then I'll be done and graduated. Thank God. But I also still had the project under me and that's the biggest part other than the classes, that's the biggest part of the program. So I still have a little bit of weight, plenty of hours to get, but anyway, somebody asked me, well, why, why did you want

To do that? And so

The first level of my, why is just, you know, it could be something as shallow as

I don't know, or because I thought I had, I should. Or it, it seemed like the next step,

It's not really emotionally attached. It's it could be just kind of, it's just surface level. It's superficial. Okay. It's kind of a neat,

The jerk answer as to why you,

I might have done that. It might be a canned response or, or a politically correct response. Okay. So

Then if my answer is I don't know, then you might ask why, why don't, you know, and then I might say something like, well, I just

Felt like it was probably the next step and then someone would ask me, well, why would that be okay,

Next step? And then I might

Say in response, something like,

Well you know, for me,

See, I've talked about this before, especially in my episodes about recovering from perfectionism. For me it's about,

It was kind of, it's another title to add to my name. You know,

It seems like then it's a terminal degree. It's the last highest degree that I can get as a nurse. So it's about accomplishment. It's about

You know, about

That's the highest title quote unquote that I could get. So yeah.

Then the next question would be, well, why is that important to you?

Why, why do you need the highest title in your field? And then you start so about number three, about the third or fourth, why for sure you start to have to reflect a little bit deeper.

And the idea

DIA is that you continue to ask why until there's really nothing left to dig to you, get to the bottom, you get all the way to the bottom. If you stop at three, then you're still kind of in that BS phase a little bit, or that

The world answers

The canned answers, the politically correct answers are still kind of there. You're not really getting deeper into

What derives that. Why,

So right when we got to that question about, well,

You know, why, why do you need the highest title in your field snap?

That's right there where it starts to trigger me. And it triggers me pretty earlier me because I've done a lot of work. And I know

So what drives and has driven

And a lot of my decisions in my professional life, my educational academic life and my parent life being a wife, I know

That the worldly death

Of who I am and what that looks like, the worldly definition of what accomplishment is. I know that I have strive for that same reason why I don't. I cringe when I think about somebody showing up to my house unannounced because I haven't had time to make sure that all the rooms are tidy and everything is swept and the counters clean and the dishes are put away. You know, now I try to keep those little things, but we all live life. Right. And so I would not say that I just wasn't. I wish I was a lot, like some of my friends are and my sister. But I just don't feel like I'm a, the best

Home maker. Naturally

It's something I have to work at. So I feel a little, I feel less confident in that area. Like my decoration style, my housekeeping style. It's just not something that was a real focus. I was more action taker and a Dewar. I'm making sure people get fed. I'm making sure people get their stuff done. I'm making sure people get up. I'm making sure that we get home in time for this, that or the other, you know, I was a doer. I wasn't really a

It's not, I don't want to say I wasn't organized cause I am, I am, I do keep things organized. However, I always have a lot of things in the air. So I, I am much more organized when I'm able to outsource or delegate some certain things. And like, for me, me personally, when I think of housekeeping, I would love to delegate that housekeeping. Like I love to hire someone to come in and keep my house clean, just because I know that someone else has a better skill set. I keeping that organized and doing the actions that deal with that versus, Hey, quite frankly, the actions that are seen more outwardly, like I can hide a mess in my home, but I can't hide,

Hide myself in

The public eye or in

My field, my nursing field, for example, you know, when I have those letters behind my name you know, doctorate in nursing, that's a public recognition of some sort of accomplishment. So back to the seven why's, that is an example of how that starts to hit just a little bit deeper. And it helps, you know, I know I gone all the way down to the bottom, so this I'm not in a discovery process of why and

How I choose

To place value on different actions and different things. Like I placed a lot of value on titles, on recognition, on accomplishments. I go all the way to the bottom and I know where that comes from and why I do it.

And and on the surface level, just because I don't know that I'm ready to

Share it all out in the public because you know, family and things are still there and feelings can be hurt. And that is never my intention because my mom and dad did the best they could with the resources they had. And I'm grateful and I'm blessed and there's grace for all of that. I am not the perfect parent either. And so I think God, every day, there's grace for all the mistakes that I've made as a parent. But, you know, I

Was trying to meet

What I defined in my own head, the story I told myself of what my dad wanted from me and yes, my mom, but my, I always felt like my mom was proud of me regardless, but I always strive to make sure that my dad was proud of me. And one of the ways that I felt like defined accomplishment and success was letter grades in school. That was very, I, I felt like, and I am focusing on me. I felt like because you know, you know, that we all make up our own stories about certain things. We all make up our own narratives about what we believe others want from us. And this is what I was doing related to my dad specifically. But, and then that bled over to everything else. My teachers my bosses at work, like I placed expectations on myself that I had made up in my head that I thought that my dad and the teachers and, and bosses wanted for me.

And the only way that I was successful or worth anything in their eyes would be through these accomplishments. I hope that's making sense. So I know that now, because I've done this work. Okay. But some of it, and I've done this work specifically on this topic. Now there's other topics that I could go deep on and you know, that I haven't dug in the bar all the way to the bottom yet. So that's why the seven whys is so important. It's such an important exercise because it starts to hit you. And then, you know, as you grow and learn,

You discover more about yourself. You know, so

Even though I've discovered this about myself, and I know that my, you know, I'm 44 years old for much of my life, my actions were to get those accomplishments and be seen in the light of she's driven, she's successful. She meets the, you know, expectations. She's got all of these degrees, you know, all of these things because I thought that's what other people want

Wanted from me now. You know,

That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with the fact that I don't want somebody to come into house and announce because I don't want them to walk in and think that I keep a dirty home. And again, my house is not dirty, but like we have three dogs. And so I have to sweep several times a day so that there's no dog hair on the floor. And sometimes I only do it twice a day or once a day, or maybe I go a whole day where I don't. And so there's dog hair on the floor, for example. Okay. it doesn't make me a bad person or a bad homemaker, but in my eyes, I want it to look like something that you've seen, you know, something that I've seen in one particular person's home. I can show up to the, I guarantee you, I can show up to that person's home.

And you know, all the stuff would be in order because that is her gift. She is a homemaker and she keeps her home, but that's her gift. It's just not mine. So, and, and the other thing too, is that I'm also, even in that, telling myself a story about what her, you know, she is and who she is and what her home is. So I just said, I could guarantee you, I could show up. I also, in reality, if I tell myself what the real story probably is, is that I could show up in her home and there would be something out of order because she's also not perfect. You know? So anyway, it's always about what we tell ourselves. Okay. So just be mindful. What is the story you're telling yourself about whatever this is? Okay. So back to the seven why's I told you guys, it might be a little bit over the, all over the place.

Cause I'm in my car. And I don't have my notes to keep me on drag. So, but so once you get to that three or four and you start to get that little twinge of, Ugh, this doesn't feel good, or I don't really you know, I don't know, or you're sick or you start to get frustrated. Like, I don't know, because just because, well, you don't get to answer because, because, because it's not an answer, it doesn't get you any further. Okay. It doesn't it doesn't force any growth when you just say because, and leave it. Okay. So you don't get to say, because I want you to pick a topic, pick something, maybe it's, why do you do what you do for work? Why do you let's see something that I get like in, in parenting, if I am nervous about my kid going to college, why, and then all the way down and you know, really it for me when I did this for about that, it came down to God asking me, well, Angie, do you trust me with your child or not?

I mean, he's mine anyways. I gave him to you to steward him and steward his growth, but he's mine. So do you trust me or not to take care of my child with God? You know? So when I got all the way to the bottom, that's what came up for me. It related to my anxiety, fear, worry about letting my child go all the way to Arizona. Okay. also what came up with that seven white exercise with that was, have I done enough as a parent? You know, I've failed in so many things. Have I done enough? Is he prepared enough? Does he have a good enough foundation

Of who he is as God

I called him to be of what his purpose spiritually is in this world to be able to use strength and make choices that are going to keep him safe, keep him progressing forward. You know, no parent wants their child to make mistakes in a way that impact their lives forever. Like, you know I mean you could think of anything dry getting in a car, drunk that one time and something happening, you know? I pray for grace and covering and protection for that. And I'm not saying my son said that. I'm just saying, that's an example of what we think about when you think about your kids going off to college and they're going to live that college life, but do they have that foundation? So it came up to my own thoughts about my own failures and being the mom, you know, or not being the mom that I should have been or not doing enough.

But again, when you go through the why's of that thought, I still ended up with energy. You trust me or not. Do you trust that I will stand in the gap for when you've made errors? Do you trust that I'm a forgiving father and I've forgiven you for the errors or mistakes you've made, do you trust that I will keep him safe and covered? And do you trust that he understands how to wear the armor armor of God, to be an overcomer in as the world pounds against them? Do you trust me or not? And so that's what it came down to. So you can see that this can get pretty deep. And so you want to take time, journal it out, just, just go through all of these steps about why, and when you start to feel frustrated or stuck then you know, just go another level deeper.

And if you're truly stuck and you truly need a little bit more help with this, then just reach out to me. I mean, I do sessions with people coaching sessions that we could do a short 30 minute power session and go through one of these topics that you feel like you're struggling with, or you're trying to find some clarity on or we can do a more intensive session. That's more, it's an hour long. So anyway, I help people that get stuck with this, but these are things that you can also do on your own, you know, journal through these steps, you know, another big one that comes up and the guys, I also want to let you know, I am hoping to have a guest on here soon about finances, because a lot of you guys are taking the short term assessment or the not short term. The Holy life made short assessment. Finances are a huge deficit area, a huge area where we, we are identifying that. We need some changes in me too. So I'm hoping to have someone on that will help with that. So be looking forward to,

And, but that's a good one,

Another great Y to Y exercise to go through about financial freedom. I want financial freedom.

Okay. Y and then, you know,

And the next answer might be so I can pay my bills. Okay. But why do you need to pay your bills? And then you're going to go deeper and deeper and deeper. And then you're going to end up realizing that it's about, because I want to spend quality time with my family. And I don't want to have to, you know, I don't want my children's children to have to worry about their finances or worry about not having a place to live, you know, so,

Okay.

So this is something that you can do around whatever you want, financial freedom. You're the way that you love yourself or care for yourself joy or happiness. So you start with a very general question. Well, why, you know, I want, I just want to be happy. Well, why? And take it all the way seven levels deep and seven is just a quote quoted number. It's just a guy. If you need to go to 10 debt level seat, then go to 10. If you need to go to 15, go to 15. If you get to the very bottom in five or six, then that's good. Now I would challenge you if you're doing less than seven to really see for real, is there any deeper that you can possibly go? Okay. So I would love to

Hear more from you guys about whether or not what you've learned in doing this, because what I want you to do, I would love for you to do is just go through and journal, just pick something and journal seven levels deep on the, why do the, why exercise and then hop over to the Facebook community group and share it. I can put a post in there when I post about this episode to put under there, what did you do? Your seven, why exercise on and what did you learn? And again, these are just exercises that we can do to grow, because remember we're all growing or should be growing. We cannot get to our destination without feedback, without growth. We can't, you know, a C can't bus through the ground, unless it grows a train, can't get to the state, to its destination and less, the track is giving it to feedback on the way. Okay. We all have to grow. If you stop growing, you die. I mean, there's no, there's no, that's a black and white. You're either growing or you're

Your dad. And that can be in physical or the spiritual.

Okay. The you've got to keep growing. You've got to want to continue to grow and learn and challenge yourself. So I highly, highly recommend that you try this exercise about something that is either frustrating or bothersome or just something you've wanted. You want to explore a little deeper. Okay. All right, guys. Well, I will see you guys on the next episode. Thank you for being patient with me as I rambled through not having my outline together so that I keep me on track and also being in the car. So you guys make it an amazing day.

EP 28 Fixing the Foundation of Your Marriage with Prayer- How to Fight your Spiritual Battles with your Husband. For the Wife who wants more fulfilling marriage! Holding hands CAN save relationship?

EP 28 Fixing the Foundation of Your Marriage with Prayer- How to Fight your Spiritual Battles with your Husband. For the Wife who wants more fulfilling marriage! Holding hands CAN save relationship?

March 19, 2021

EP 28 Fixing the Foundation of Your Marriage with Prayer- How to Fight your Spiritual Battles with your Husband

We're just going to talk about how to pray with your husband. This is something that can be a little bit awkward, a little bit out of the ordinary, I guess if you're not used to doing it. So let's just talk about a few little tips that we can do, and it will do wonders to strengthen your marriage.

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Hey ladies, welcome back to Wholly Made Life. And listen, if you've been feeling stuck or overwhelmed, or like you can't really fix the foundation of your Holy made life, then jump over to my email@angietoninirogers@gmail.com and ask for a session of coaching with me. I have one-to-one coaching sessions available, and we can walk through how to fix that foundation for your Wholly Made Life™. Let's get into today's episode today. We're just going to talk about how to pray with your husband. This is something that can be a little bit awkward, a little bit out of the ordinary, I guess if you're not used to doing it. So let's just talk about a few little tips that we can do, and it will do wonders to strengthen your marriage. Let's go,

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Ladies. Welcome back to this episode of Wholly Made Life™. And today I want to talk about something that can be somewhat awkward and uncomfortable, but that is praying with your husband. Now, some of you guys may have already made this a habit, and if you have kudos to you, because it is one thing that for sure will strengthen your marriage. It has to, as soon as God is in the middle of it, it is his idea to begin with marriage itself is his idea to begin with. So when you keep him in the middle of it, then your marriage just has to get stronger. But sometimes this can be harder than it seems. Sometimes it just feels awkward. And especially you've had some sort of argument or a conflict, or just feeling kind of mad in your relationship. Sometimes it just feels hard to break that barrier and pray for your husband and or with your husband, not necessarily for your husband, hopefully you're praying for your husband and your family every day.

And so I just wanted to talk about a few things that you could do to make it easier and more comfortable to pray with your husband. So obviously a great time to do that is right before you go to bed. Now, my husband and I typically go to bed at different times. I am a late, I stay up late and he goes to bed early because he has to get up at like four 30 in the morning or something craziness like that. My goodness, but I like to stay up late. So I'll give you an example of what we did tonight. What I've talked to him about is that, you know, we're praying separately, but it's really important that we come together in agreement because the Bible says for two or three are gathered, God is in the midst of it. And so it's really important that you come together with your spouse to pray in agreement for what you're both praying for and believing for, because it's just stronger.

It's just, you're in agreement with someone else. And you've got someone else doing that with you. Not to mention that it is obviously a great thing for your children to see the both of you guys praying. Okay. So back to my example for tonight. So he was getting ready to go up to bed. So I just said, Hey, why don't we do our prayer real quick since I'm going to stay up and I'm going to do a little bit more work. And so I just grabbed his hand and I went first and prayed out loud for some different things. And then he prayed out loud for some of the things that he was believing for. And then we affirm each other in those prayers. So it doesn't have to be this major thing. It doesn't have to be this beautiful Psalmist like Breyer that doesn't have to be beautiful and eloquent.

It can just be, you know, talking to God with your husband in the room and just hold hands, make that connection physically and spiritually together. Even if it's just a few minutes last night before we were going to bed, I actually was in the bed at the time before he was asleep. And so I just put my hand on his shoulder. I said, Hey, I'm going to pray for you. And I went ahead and prayed out loud. Now, other times you could just touch a shoulder and pray to yourself. If you want, you don't always have to pray out loud, but it's just one of those things. There's power in your tongue and there's powers in the words that you release into the atmosphere. And it's certainly more powerful when you have your husband on board covering that and listening to that. And if your husband is not as vocal, like mine is not as vocal.

He still will do it. If I grab his hand and say, come on, let's pray. Even if it's uncomfortable and you laugh a little bit and it takes a little bit of time, that's fine. Nobody says that that's not okay. Okay. It doesn't have to look like it does in the movies or what was that movie? Prayer warriors. Oh my gosh. I can't believe why I'm going blank on that. It's prayer warrior room, prayer room, something like that. You guys know what I'm talking about anyways. It doesn't have to be a beautiful prayer like that. Okay. It can just be prayer. Okay. So some other things you can do or some prayers that you might have memorized, just take time when you say those prayers though, and really think about what those words are. Something I do in my kids do actually on the way to school every morning, or we all take turns, praying out loud for different people, for different things.

We end it with the, our father and the glory be because those are words that we can say in unison together. And we say it slowly enough to where we're paying attention to what those words are, but each of them will take turns and they will talk about praying for their friend who hurt their arm. And they're praying for healing for their arm or praying for someone who, you know, there was a kid that said that he wasn't sure if he believed in God. And so one of my kids are praying hard for the Holy spirit to pull his heart back to him and show him his love for him. And so we all just pray in agreement and it's the same kind of thing that you can do with your husband. Okay. Something else that we can do to put it out in front of us is we can put a little, either a white board or a notepad or something.

I know Pat on the counter or a whiteboard on the frigerator and we can write down, I need prayer for, and then when people go by just my back, my head, my wrist, financial provision a new job, whatever those things are. And then that way, when we're walking by, you know, someone can tap that thing and just make a mental note of saying, yep, I'm an agreement praying for financial provision or praying for a new job or whatever those things are. Okay. That's another idea that you can do. The other thing that I would suggest is as you walk by your kids' bedrooms on the way to bed, or before you wake them up or whatever, just, you know, tapping the door and thanking God for the covering, the covering and the protection that he is. And, you know, rebuking the devil and saying that, you know, the enemy is not welcome in this house is not welcome in this room.

You know we pray against all the strongholds, all those kinds of things. So just as you're walking through your house, you can just be talking out loud God, to confirm what it is that you're praying for, what it is that you are believing for. Okay. That's another example. Okay. You guys, I've had to pause this recording so many times because there is this horrible itch in my throat and it's causing me to continue to cough. I don't think the enemy wants me to do this episode, even though this is just a quick little episode on prayer. Obviously this is very powerful for you and your family, because I am having like these coughing fits and I have no idea where these came from. So anyway, the other thing I was going to say about that is, you know, the enemy does not want us to pray because there's truth.

And that there's power in prayer and there's power when two or three are gathered together in agreement about that prayer. And so the more that you and your husband can pray together, the more intimate your spirituality grows. And after your spirituality grows together, your spiritual maturity in and as a couple grows, your physical intimacy grows. Your emotional intimacy grows because you're spending that time. And there's just something powerful about prayer with your spouse and prayer with your children. Okay? This episode is really more about praying with your spouse and just doing it, getting over the awkwardness and just doing it. If you're not able to pray with your spouse, then pray for your spouse all the time. By the way, when you are praying for your spouse, pray as if he is already the strong man of God that he is called to be okay.

Don't pray for things that you hope for. Pray as if he is already the strong man of God that you want. Okay? Pray as if your children are already the men or women of God that they're called to be okay. Pray as if that is the reality. Yeah, because again, there's power in life, in our power of life and death in our time. So my challenge for you today is to pray with your husband out loud. Before you go to bed tonight, just hold his hand and say, Hey, I want to start praying together before we go to bed. And if it's way awkward, then just push through it. Guys. You've done harder things than grabbing your husband's hand and saying a prayer out loud. It doesn't have to be long. It can be just as much as God. Thank you for raising up my husband to be a strong man of God.

I am thankful for this union. I thank you, God, that you've brought us together to be husband and wife. I thank you for our family. I thank you for our household. Thank you for your provision and all things. Thank you for healing in our mind, our body, our emotions, and our spirit in Jesus' Holy name, thank you for covering and protecting us. Amen. Okay. Just do it. I promise you the more you do it, the less awkward it will be. And even if it doesn't get awkward, how much stronger will your union or your relationship be? If you do this and what if this is the thing that is going to soften your husbands? Okay. Remember, we're all about what our actions can be, right? You're only responsible for your actions. So if praying with your husband will strengthen your marriage and it's something that you can do, even if he doesn't want to participate, that's fine.

Hold his hand and put your hand on his shoulder and just say, Hey, give me a couple minutes of quiet so I can pray for you. And even if he doesn't hear you because he's too uncomfortable or because you know, you can't pray out loud, at least he knows, Hey, we are in physical union right now and praying for me. And I, I guarantee you that will soften his heart. God will work through that. Okay? So let's do the hard things. Let's do the awkward things, because those are the powerful things. When we do awkward and hard things, and we take responsibility, those are the things that are going to impact our marriage and our life. And the more that we can impact our marriage and our union positively, the more our children are impacted. The more our friends and families are impacted. It's just all good. Okay. All right, guys. So I'm going to pray for you tonight.

God, I come today in praise and thanks for you covering and protecting my sisters that I ask that you give them strength and courage and you give them a boldness to pray out loud for their husbands, for their families, to fight back against what the enemy wants to do to destroy, kill, and steal. The enemy has no place in their homes. And we rebuke the devour of the devil. We, we enlighten the strength and wisdom and discernment of the, of the one and only almighty God. We thank you God for covering and protecting us. We thank you God, for the strong mighty men, you're raising up in the spirit to cover and protect their homes. We thank you God, for the strong women of God that are walking with the dominion and authority that you have given them to be the, that he needs and the mother that the children need and all the things, because you have strengthened her with your spirit. And we thank you in Jesus

Before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women, just like us. You're five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see you in the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

EP 27 Is Your Work an Idol? Special Guest: Stefanie Gass! Feeling Restless Even though You’re Successful at your Professional Job? For Burnt Out Overwhelmed Working Moms- Find Clarity in Your Calling

EP 27 Is Your Work an Idol? Special Guest: Stefanie Gass! Feeling Restless Even though You’re Successful at your Professional Job? For Burnt Out Overwhelmed Working Moms- Find Clarity in Your Calling

March 17, 2021

EP 27 Is Your Work an Idol? Special Guest: Stefanie Gass! Feeling Restless Even though You're Successful at your Professional Job? For Burnt Out Overwhelmed Working Moms. Find Clarity in Your Calling

Hey ladies, welcome back to this episode of Wholly Made Life™. I am so excited to share this episode with you. I was able to interview a friend of mine. She's actually my coach and my mentor. She's the one that's helped me get everything started with this podcast and help me gain some clarity over what it is I am being called to do and how I can put those things into action for the biggest impact. So she is been, she's been instrumental in getting everything Holy made life up off the ground with me. She is a wife, she's a mom. She has the Stephanie Gass Show, which is ranked top 25 in the podcast world for Christian entrepreneurs. She actually helps women uncover and tap into their God-sized calling. She helps them create kingdom businesses. She helps them launch podcasts and monetize using courses and coaching.

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SPECIAL GUEST: STEFANIE GASS

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So she loves to do this. She loves podcasting. She loves working with women, and I tell you, she has been instrumental in helping me create some of that clarity. And if you want to get some clarity in your life, get clarity on your calling, whether it is in a business or just whatever it is God's calling you to do. I highly recommend that you reach out to her. I will put a link in my show notes so that you all are able to access her course, her information and clarify your calling. It's a course, it's online. It's something that I highly, highly recommend. She also has a free group. I'll put that in the show notes as well, so that you can link to her. She's a great friend. She really just truly wants women to create a true change for themselves. And she uses her gifts that God's given her to help women create that clarity so that you guys can create that clarity for your calling and you can serve and use your gifts for God's glory. So I'm really excited for this episode guys, tune in. You will not regret taking a few minutes and listening to her. So I am so excited guys. Let's get into this episode and meet Stephanie.

Hey mama, welcome to Holy may life where I believe that you are not created to do just one thing in your life. Well, you are not just your job, your title or your salary. You're not just a mom or a white versus sister. You are fearfully and wonderfully made to lead in all areas of your whole life. Your life is like a pie that's made up of different pieces that create a complete circle and girl, you deserve to enjoy the whole pie. Hi, I'm Angie Tinetti Rogers and mama. I know you are really good at what you do in your profession or business, but if you're ready to stop ignoring different pieces of your pie and reclaim your whole life, then you are in the right place. Girl, let's tap into the whole life. God has for you and experienced that God sized fulfilled life together. We're going to walk through some boundaries, leadership mindset and restoration in different areas of your life that may need to change. It's going to be some tough workup in here, girl, but we're going to block this thing out together, uncovering some bold courageous actions that we can take to experience, not just a good life, but your whole life. Are you ready to live your whole life? Holy made. Let's do it. [inaudible]

Okay, guys. Welcome back to this episode of Holy made life. And I am so excited. I have such a special treat today to introduce you to what my friend, my mentor and my coach she's been instrumental in helping me with this podcast. So I can't wait to introduce you to her name is Stephanie Gass. Welcome to the show.

Yay. Hello. Thanks for having me, Angie.

No problem. I am so privileged and honored. So today guys, I wanted staff to share her story. She's got an amazing story all the way from corporate to what she's doing now. So I just wanted to her to give you her journey and tell you a little bit about her journey and how she got to where she is today.

Yeah. So this is a doozy hope y'all are ready. And I think the main thing is I want you to hear from this story, as I share with you, is that I think we all start out seeking after things that we think the world, the, what, the world's definition of things, right? Validation or success or worthiness, and it still leaves us broken, right? It still leaves us searching and seeking and looking for what is this missing, this worthiness that I can't seem to find. And ultimately through our own searching process, trying to figure out the answers and be our own beacon of light. And we're left in this constant state of, I guess, pain and turmoil at the end of the day, right? Cause we're like, this is not ultimately what is feeling like I'm in this calling work or I'm feeling unhappy or I'm feeling lack, or I'm not feeling that worthiness.

And then we turn to God's way and we feel a very different outcome. We feel a very different way of life. So that's what I want you to pull from this story as I share. So like Andrew mentioned, I'm Stephanie gas. What I do now is I am a coach for the faith led entrepreneur who wants to figure out their calling and get clarity on that calling. So they can create a kingdom business and use their gifts for God's glory. And then ultimately have a business that lights them up using their giftings, using the, that God has for them. And I run a top 25 podcasts, the Stephanie gas show and a coach and have courses and all the things I work less than 30 hours a week. I've got two little boys. It's pretty Epic now cause I'm partnered with God in what I do.

So that's what I do today, but let's rewind back about a decade and look at how I got here and how I got to this space of doing business God's way instead of the world's way, started out in corporate America. I've always been a high achiever that comes all the way back from childhood, having a dad who has super high expectations and you know, his growing up in his generation, it was all about go to school, get the job, get stability. And that is what will equal your happiness later in life. Your, you know your stability and having that financial success. So, okay, cool. And when you achieve that's when you get attention. Got it. So grow up, do that always a high achiever got good grades, went to college, went got my master's degree, went into corporate and you know, it was just me.

So I easily became a workaholic easily slid into that. I've always been good at work. And when you're good at something, that's where you tend to operate because it feels good for you. Oh, I'm good at this thing. I'll live there, literally live there. I will live in this thing. I'm good at which here's, here's the kicker, right? That can be your gifting and tip. And often it is it's your God directed giftings. But at the same time, the enemy knows it too. Not to give him any credit, but he's like, Ooh, she loves work. How can I twist that to my benefit? Well, let's just make her a workaholic by the age of 23. Perfect. So there, I went climb that corporate ladder. I was the youngest financial controller in this global company. I was going to Germany and Spain and jet setting.

And I had the Blackberry phone 24 seven, right. Like, and it was fine. So it was just me, her. So I thought, but it was playing out in all these different areas of my life drinking way too much partying way too much because you had to learn to have that release from working 24 seven. So I would do that. I'd punish my body that way. And then I would go back to work. And so it was like this just cycle of really just unworthiness, I guess, even though I'm working so hard, even though I, Oh, I'm I, you know, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not fit enough and I need to work more. So like just searching, searching, searching, searching. And I was a Christian quote unquote, but I had definitely not found my true relationship with Christ. And so I was looking in all the wrong places.

Well that went on for four or five years. And then I met my now husband. He was our auditor at the company. So funny, he walks in and I'm like, I'm gonna marry that guy. I am to my friend in the cubicle next to me, it was so divine and anyway, true story. So we're now married, which is so fun. God's got jokes. But at the time when we started like secretly flirting and, and that going on and then the company shut down. So at this time I was late twenties. I was engaged to my now husband, Brad and the company was shutting down and I had a choice, go move to Germany, keep working for this company. Great. Try to find something else here where we live, but there's not so many manufacturing jobs like that and big plants, so, or figure something else out.

And I was like, well, I guess I'm at a crossroads. We want to have kids. We want to have a family. What if I try to be an entrepreneur? And right about the same time my mom got into a network marketing company, I knew nothing about network marketing at all. Except that some girls on the promo videos were making millions of dollars floating in their pools, sell some skincare stuff. And I was like, well, that sounds fine if they can do it. So can I totally just jumped in? And that's what I did. I left corporate everything I knew to just become an entrepreneur.

Wow. Okay. So you just packed so much in that so far. And quite frankly, some of that sounded so familiar to myself, finding that worthiness in the world and having a highly high expectations or highly critical dad who that's, how you achieved and that's how you showed people that you were achieving. So one of the things, when you talked about coming to a floor roads, what would you say the role God had at that point in your life when you were going from corporate into making a decision to move into the network marketing, what role did God have in that? What role did prayer have in that, that a point in your life?

None. Okay. None. I did not. At that point, have that relationship with God at all. Didn't pray over those choices did not turn to him for guidance. That was all me. Okay. Now the good news is he uses everything for good. And so it's fine. Now I see how like parts of that phase in my life were still preparing me. Cause he goes before me and I was saved at nine. So I've always been his daughter. I just fell away for a while. And so who knows what, what handiwork he had behind the scenes, but I didn't knowingly as I should have bring those choices to him first.

Okay. That's so good. I just wanted to point that out because I think some of us, when we are in that journey, we don't always intentionally know that we should be taking things to God, but that's how he's working on us the whole time. And he used all that. He uses all of it for good. It's all redemptive. So I just wanted to point that out because I know I kind of know where you are now. And I think that's important to this story as we learn and grow in our maturity in Christ and and being able to bring things to him. So, okay. So you were, you joined the network marketing company

Yes. And climb that ladder as well. Two years in, so had one son miles, my older son and still a workaholic at this phase and went all the way up to the top. 1% of the company, again at the expense of everything else in my life, right? This time I had gained 60 pounds. So I was going the other direction and, and just very unhealthy anxiety and working 24 seven, my son probably never saw me without an ear piece in my, my thing, my ear on my face, the whole first two years of his life. And it was awful the way that I would take calls at the expense of anything didn't matter. It would be, you know, six in the morning, it would be 10 at night, all of it. And it's just, it's, it's heartbreaking to look back and go with the things you thought were important in your life were really just an idol.

And me chasing that success was such a facade from the world that when you get it, when you make it, it'll be worth it. And I believed it. Like I truly believed when I make it, this will make sense. But looking at it now from this lens of 20, 21, 2020 is perfect vision going, wow. I missed out. I'm so much with him from a selfish place of, for me, you know, I want to grow this for me. I want to make more money more. And anyways, again, God is so good and he's redeemed that with me and, and it's all good. And I forgiven myself and he has forgiven me for that phase. But what happened was from the outside perspective, Oh, she's made it, she's doing so great. Right. Everybody can see, which is exactly what I thought I wanted. Well, at that point in time you know, everything else was starting to crumble away.

And here's where I believe that God started to step in. So we were, we were getting back into church pretty consistently. I hadn't had like that breakthrough moment yet, but it was coming. And the company went through a rebrand, my team, all the new shiny companies that came out back in 2016. And so my multi-sector your business was like gone within six months and there was just no more money. And I was pregnant with my second son at this time. And it was like full on identity crisis, Angie, because at this point in time, all I knew what was, I equal my work. I am only as good as my bank account as my work, as what people see me as. And so that's where I believe God was like, Hey, it's time for my daughter to come home. I need her to get back on this path.

I have big plans for her and this is not it. And so when that company crumbled beneath me, that's where we had to borrow money from my son's savings account to pay the bills. My husband sold his Harley Davidson to pay the bills and that, and I'm here really humongous, pregnant. Like everything is like, I don't have any money. The company is like all of it, right? It's like nothing's left and, and full identity crisis. And I'm like, okay, this is it. Like, this is my I'm in the ashes moment. There's nothing left here of what I thought I was. I have a choice. I can turn back to the world to rebuild myself or I can turn to God to rebuild me. And I knew where I got myself and it was right there in that pile of just ashes and brokenness and anxiety and unworthiness and ignoring my son and like putting everyone second to this business that crumbled and left me broken.

And that was the moment where I was like, I'm done, I'm done with my I'm done leading myself. I am not big enough to do this. I don't want to be my work anymore. I need to be who he created me to be. So I got out a sheet of paper and I started writing down who God wants me to be. And I wrote down, he wants me to spend time with him to surrender to him, to get back into my health, to put my family first again, to to still do. I knew business was in there somewhere, but I put it at the very bottom of the list. Cause honestly I was really over it at that point in time. And I was like, here you go. I live here. I'm surrendering my entire life to you right here on this piece of paper in this moment, take it.

I'm done. And a couple of weeks later, we were in church in worship. And I had like the true baptism in the Holy spirit moment. Like the tears, the chills, the Holy spirit, goosebumps, everything like couldn't breathe. I was like, he's got me. Like, he's here. Like Holy spirit is with me in this walkout. And I'm, I'm made new, I'm totally made new in him, but easier said than done. Okay. So I'm looking at the paper going, must be nice to be her, got her life together. She's fit healthy kids. Or she's got this business that she works part time, like whatever. Yeah. Right. So I just started with one thing a day and the first thing was I needed to get my health back. So I joined a gym. I couldn't afford that. Had daycare that I could do two hours. So I'd work out for an hour.

And then I would try to figure out what I was doing with my business. And I started with just like lives, helping moms. I'm like, let me just start with like helping these moms who have online businesses. I know how to grow big businesses online. I'll start there. They were messy. They were awkward. They were really busted. I did it anyway. Didn't know the outcome, but because I was doing it his way and this time praying over every choice, Angie. So back to your other question, it was like, Oh, do you want me to do this? Do you want me to take this, this opportunity? Do you want, do you want me to work on this, this thing this week? Like Holy spirit put things in order for me. And the order was me time with me time with your husband, your kids, your health, right?

And then all the way down at the end of the list was figuring out this business all the while he's bringing in favor, he's got somebody like, Hey Steph, can you do some social media consulting? I'll pay, we'll pay you two grand a month. I'm like, okay. Wow. Like, so he was making sure I was taken care of this whole time that like the business was gone and the income was gone. And so praise him for that. He always makes a bridge right? When he calls us to cross the ocean. He's like, but here's a bridge, but you got to take the step. So I was just taking the steps every day, didn't know, didn't know, take the step, take the step. So this was 2016. It was a hard year. I didn't just, it wasn't just easy and yes, I trust you, but it was like, I trust you. Wait, do I trust you way? Do I? But I kept going. I kept renewing my mind. I kept getting familiar with God. Focusing on the Bible is trying to strengthen who I was. Do you have any questions about this hard period, because then I'm going to move to climbing out of the Valley in a second.

Yeah. So I just wanted to point out a couple of things you said, first of all, we're going to have to go back to that 20, 20 vision at the end. So let me don't let me forget that at the end. But the, you said a lot of things. One is breaking it down to one thing at a time, one step at a time, just doing the thing and then also doing the thing scared or fearful or with anxiety or in doing the thing anyway, doing the thing, even though you didn't know how or what even sometimes to do, but doing it under prayer. So if you can just expand a little bit on how did you, you know, how did you break that down? What, what were some of those steps that you did to break it down and get through that? Just push through that fear, doing it messy.

Yeah. So one, once I had that sheet of paper and it was truly like a little loose leaf piece of paper, Angie and I was like, scribbling it out. But it was something that I've never forgotten about because that was this defining moment where you draw your line in the sand. So I think if any of you were in that, just break down moment, like nothing is working. This isn't making sense or it's not working. Or my life feels like the pressure is too much to bear or I'm not operating what God wants for me. Just start with the sheet of paper. Right? Put your hand on that sheet of paper. Holy spirit. Be here with me, father, God lead me, use my pen, use my mouth. He's my heart. Give me my gifts. Help me to speak to me through the sheet of paper right now.

Who do you want me to be? Who are you calling me to be? What needs to change? What do I need to let go of? And just let it flow because it's here inside of you, right? The answers are there. But when you get them out of here, your mind and your heart, and you put them on a piece of paper, that's when you get to see it and inventory it and put it in order. And then from that sheet of paper, if I did nothing with it, it would never have helped me to get to this point. So from the paper I made a plan from the paper, you make a plan. Okay. And then I like what Angie said. She said taking action through the pressure under prayer. So why out of the pressure, but because there's a lot of pressure to do something with the paper.

So you prayerfully take action and you move through that pressure. And that's also how you step out of faith and you crush the fear, lots of, a lot of alliteration for you guys in that one. But basically I went to the planner. I've always been a good planner, got up the planner. And I was like, what do I do this week? And I wrote in John and Jim find one, a daycare. It's like, yes. And I planned it in. And then I planned in when I was, and then I planned in waking up a little bit earlier and I just inched it. I started waking up 15 minutes early to pray. Then I was like, Ooh, this feels so amazing. I love this. Let's bump it to 30. Now I do an hour because that's so important for me to get right with God every day.

And to spend that time with him. And it's a non-negotiable for me now. But I started with something that seemed doable with my life. I didn't freak myself out and be like, you're going to the gym seven days a week. And you're doing an hour with God every morning. Cause that would have been too much. I wasn't ready. So I just three days a week, let's hop to the gym. We can start there. Then I went to the next thing on the list, husband, okay. You know, got some work to do there. I've been ignoring this man to run this business. Like I need to have some hard conversations. I need to repent for these things. Apologize to him. I need to make him a priority. I need to be sure that we're spending quality time that he feels seen and heard and work on that.

And so what does that look like in a planner? Everything you need to do has action steps behind it, but you have to make it intentional, prioritize it, plug it in just like Andy talks about with her wheels and with her buckets that she teaches you guys, same stuff. Okay. So I planned it in and I would go to that day in the planner and I was in such a raw broken state too. It really helped for me to be like, I'm not going to sit here and my thoughts and my misery, I'm gonna go to this thing and see what I said I was going to do today and just check it off. Right? Like let's just move my feet. Let's just move my feet. And each day got easier. Each week I got more powerful each month, God strengthened me each year. He clarified my steps more and more and more and more and to think, I mean, that was the end of 16. So 17, 18, 19 2020. That was five short years ago that I was in the biggest breakdown of my entire life. And now I'm sitting at the peak of a mountain top in my life where I've never been here and I'm like five years, man. Like he, God can work in your life when you allow him when you partner with him. So that's what I did Angie to do that work.

Yeah. That's so good. And I think too, the other thing that you mentioned, and you just, you know, on a big scheme in little schemes, is that throughout those steps throughout that process, he gave you confirmations. He, he, he showed up with a $2,000 contract for social media console conference consulting. And I think he does that for all of us, as long as we're looking for that. And we give that credit to him when that happens. So that's so good. That's such a part of the process is being intentional and looking for what he's doing for us.

Yeah. And seeing those confirmations come through at the time, I didn't really know as much as I see now, like now I'm super hyper aware of like, God wink. That was amazing. Thank you. You know, but at that time I'm like, Oh, well that's kind of random. Sounds good. But like, look for the miracles, seek for the miracles and then write them down. One of my favorite things is every month doing writing down the praise report and the miracles that have happened that month. And it's like, I mean, there are handfuls of things that he's done to just keep you on the right path and their confirmation, like Angie, like, Oh wow. That Jim, just out of nowhere, right next door to my mom's just enough to pay for it. Like all the little things that would perfectly work as I started moving into what his walk for me instead of my walk for me, when you're on your walk, it's resistance, things are hard. You feel like you're forcing stuff when you're on his walk, his path, things feel easy, seamless, more green, more fruitful, like it's just flowy.

Yeah. And then you, so you wrote down the plan for each of these things, but then also at the end of the month, you're writing down a reflection of all of those things and that's super important. Write it down and make it plain. That's what the Bible says. And you're writing down not only where you want to be and who you are and the steps you need to take it. But then you're writing down almost like a gratitude or a reflection of everything that he's done just in that short part time period. There's so many things that I've forgotten because I didn't take the time to write it down. So I'm doing more of that now as well. That's great advice. Yeah.

Yeah. So, okay. So we go here in 20, the end of 2016, beginning of 17, it was like, really this Valley was really rough and I stay at like, Oh, I just trusted that. Well, okay. I was also like looking for jobs. I was like, I'll just go back to corporate. I was looking at teaching kids, English at 2:00 AM because that's what I thought would make sense seriously. And I started making t-shirts on Amazon for $3, a certain prominence in case any of you were like panicking, trying to figure out your life. That is totally normal. You're not alone. However, I had a friend sit me down and she was like, we did some work together and I helped her get clarity on her life. I said, why aren't you using this 20 years of trauma you went through now, you've been healed. You've been in 15 years of therapy.

Why don't you do this self-love movement for women who need this? The stuff that you're gifted in. I gave her a name. I gave her a tagline and gave her a title and we're just sitting there. And like, we had taken a girl strip and this was like two hours of our time. And she just turned it in and she's like, can you sit down please? I was like, okay. And she's like, can you stop doing all the ridiculous things that you are doing? And you're panicking trying to figure out a way to make money. Can you stop doing that? And just be a clarity coach, because do you hear what you just did for my business? You have a gift. She said, I want to lick your brain. So that was, that was coined. We laugh about that still today on the lick your brain.

I was like, okay, things just got awkward, but I stared at her and it was like this massive breakthrough for me. Oh my goodness. This is what this is. I've had this my whole life. I didn't know. This was a thing. I'm a clarity coach. And so I right there in that moment, I'm like, let's go God. So I started doing lives. I started taking some clients. I was still trying to figure out my way, but I knew the direction I was going, going at the same time. Crazy boundaries. If I'm going to do business again, this is your way, God, this is your business. Not mine. I will be your mouthpiece. Speak through me, move me. Tell me when to turn it off. Tell me. And I've all. Yes, I've fallen. This has not been perfect, but I always readjust. I reset the boundaries.

I reset the sales and I go, so that was roughly mid 2017. And it was hard because the business wasn't growing well, I was still like struggling. Like, how do I grow? This? Is it the YouTube? Is it the blog? Is it the, what am I doing? Like I was everywhere. And it felt very exhausting. And I could feel myself creeping back into like workaholism in a way of like, or being afraid of that. Like, Oh, if I keep pushing this hard in all these places, I'm going to become old Stephanie again. And that did not feel good. And so at that moment, I'm like, I know what it is. God, it's the clarity coaching. I get it. It's helping these women rise out of their fear. Take massive action. Have the business that, that you have for them based on their books and heaven.

But how do I grow it? How do I do it? I was praying, praying, praying for months. Well, in 2018, an answer came in a dream and it was a very clear vivid, prophetic dream start a podcast. And I was like, huh. Okay, well, that sounds good. So I didn't really listen to podcasts at the time. I think I listened to one, had no idea how to start one, but I had a $20 microphone in the drawer in my office. And I made some Busta channel art on CAMBA. I hope that no one ever sees it. And I sat down on a microphone and I pressed record and I was like, what's up? Welcome to the show. And the rest is history. What happened was I was able to stop showing up everywhere else, show up on one platform, share my voice, share my heart consistently to being consistent, posit.

When my kids came in, it was like freeing. I could be myself. I didn't have to worry about being on video or doing makeup, which is not me. Anyway. It was like, I could just be raw me and I didn't know who was listening. And so it was kind of like, I just ripped the bandaid off. And I was like, this is what I am. This is what I stand for. It's online business and marketing paired with, with God and paired with ministry and doing business God's way. And I grew into it more and more and more over the past, over the years. But what happened was then my clients were like, well, how did you grow this business to be so incredible? And I'm like, well, the podcast is really the catalyst. So ended up creating a couple courses, teaching my students how to get clarity, start a show.

I was doing the coaching nonstop and then ultimately taking my clients how to, how to then create a course to monetize the podcast and all the while crazy boundaries, like partner with God and all of it. And he knew then I was ready. Right? Because you can't be ready for the flood Gates and the flood Gates open and you'll drown. You have to be prepared. And so he had been doing a lot of work in me behind the scenes from 2016 to 2019 when he was, when I was ready to steward that favor and provision and the business of that size when I was ready. And he knew it, flood Gates, Burstows open. And here I sit and it, it really feels like a dream because I'm the woman on the paper. Angie, that's so good. I think you, you

Made such a good point was that he was preparing you along the way. So it's not that you're just going to snap and things are going to happen and you're going to become that person on the paper immediately. But it's about your intentional actions and you're embracing where you are and where you want to go and figuring out how to get there and then listening and allowing God to change you and mold you and help you become more and more mature. It's the same thing that I say when I left my corporate job was, you know, it had, he asked me to do that 10 years ago, five years ago. There's no way I would have been mature enough or had enough identity in him to know that I can do that and steward that well, because he told me to and he's going to cover it. So I think that's such, such a good point that you make.

Yeah. Thank you. And that's all, I think a couple of big takeaways I want to share is that clarity is not overnight. So me ultimately finding my way to being a full-time entrepreneur that has an incredible audience. I have a team, I have boundaries. I work my business 30 hours or less per week. I know what I do without a shadow of a doubt. I know I'm walking in my purpose. Well, that only took nine years. Okay. So it's to tell you that you can't give up on seeking after your clarity, but you have to get out of your way. You are not the one that gets to decide what steps you make, what the opportunities are, what what's next, how to go bigger, how to it's God's going to open those doors for you. He's going to bring you the divine connections. He's going to give you that specific direction, do this, right?

Like you told Angie, you're going to leave the job. Don't worry. I got you. And here she is sitting in her purpose work. And her evolution of clarity is going to take a while. This is not overnight, but we all start somewhere. We start with that direction. And then we step out in faith and we know that when we wear the armor of God, that he will continue to do her to us. And he goes before us, he already knows the end of your story. We have to trust and have faith, big audacious faith. So we can achieve the God-sized dreams because they are bigger and better than our dreams will ever be.

Yeah. Amen. And the other thing that I was thinking about when you were saying that is that, you know, his dream for you is so above and beyond what you could ever even imagine. And it also is for other people. So, you know, for example, you and I are sitting here connected because he had a plan for us to be divinely connected so that you could help me create some clarity in walking through what I'm doing now at, in this, he knew that I was going to need Stephanie gas to be saying yes, and being obedient and stepping into her calling during, when I said, okay, I'll leave my corporate job and have no idea what I'm going to do. He knew that that connection would need to be there. And had you not taken those action steps and said your yes to him, then I wouldn't be sitting here. And, and Holy made life, wouldn't be sitting here. So it's so our gifts and our callings are so much bigger than us. And, and they're meant to impact so many people. And we just have no idea who it is and when it's going to be.

Yeah. I heard something once where someone said, if you don't say yes and amen to the calling, the purpose work and step out in that big, scary, really awkward faith, which is going to be, it's never comfortable to say yes to that. It's not, it's actually selfish because it's not about you, which is what you just said, but it's, it's not about us. It's about us operating in the perfect unity with the rest of God's kingdom. And so for, for me to do my work allows Angie to do her work allows one, some of you who are listening to Andrew and we'll work with Angie to do your work, it's all perfectly intertwined. They're having strings, right? We're on heaven's timeline. And it's like, I just have my daughter's perfectly orchestrated. But if one of us doesn't rise up into our authority, which we've all been given, but the Holy spirit, somehow that chain-link is broken.

And I don't know about, y'all like, I'm not going to be the one breaking the chains over here, I'm break the chains of the world and that kind of stuff. But like, I'm not going to break heaven's chains where he is trying to beautifully orchestrate all of us rising together to do work for his good and his glory. So just remember that next time. You're like, should I, should I try that thing? Should I pivot? Should I leave that job? Should I start that blog or that podcast? Or should I pivot what I'm good at for what I'm called to be? Whether that be more in your business or more with your kids or more with your spouse? Well, I think that you have to, because it's your responsibility to be the woman on the paper for your life.

Amen. Yeah. And I think it's praying over what it is, how it is. Cause you may or may not be wanting to leave your job, but you have a calling and maybe it's worked out within your job and that's where you're called to be. And so use it there. And maybe it's doing some other things in addition to your job. So it's, it's going to be specific to you and what God's calling you to do, but just be open to it and willing to become that person on paper that God's calling you to be. So we're getting towards the end of what I want to go back to real quickly, cause you brought up 2020, and we all know what a basket case the whole nation went to the whole world went to in 2020. Now obviously we knew that God is in control and we know that God has control, but you brought up a perfect vision being 2020. So in the natural 2020 is perfect vision. So can you give your revelation or a little bit of advice to women coming out of 2020 and how to use what we've learned or have a look for what we can learn from the season we just came out of related to 2020?

Yeah. So what's interesting is that you can't have the peaks without the valleys. And so you can't have the breakthrough without the breakdown. There's nobody that gets to just, you know, make it, have the incredible story without first the hard stuff without walking through the valleys, because that is where our soil is tilled, right? That is where we are prepared. That is where our heart is strengthened and our faith is grown. And so those are the tests we go through tests so they can become a testimony. So as you look back on 2020, and yes, some of it was hard, but some of it was beautiful. Some it was incredible. I want you to dig in and find the miracles, find the things that stretched you pushed, you, broke you down. Did you experience a loss, a job loss, a family member loss. Did your kids, were they home with you for a whole year?

Like mine while that was hard? It was extraordinarily beautiful. I told my husband, I'm like man soaking in the babies for a whole year. You know, one seven, one four. I'm like, this has been incredible. I've loved it, but I'm done soaking now. It's like, she's done. She's done soaking great. And praise God, my child, they're both back in school, at least half-time for now. But the point of that is I wouldn't have known them at this deep capacity that I know and see them. I wouldn't have understood their learning in this deep way. I wouldn't have been stretched to get to know my husband at this level, if he wasn't working from home for a whole year, that has been a beautiful growth experience for us. So there's fruit, there's fruit. Now that came through a seeming trial in the moment. So write down what are those trials you face in 2020?

And then I want you with fresh eyes, a prayer, fresh eyes, and a pen to look at that list and go, what fruit am I already seeing? And every month as you're doing that miracle and that praise report, look back at that list. You wrote about 2020 trials. And all of a sudden you're going to start to see correlation between the trial and the fruit, because the seeds are born in the trials. You're going to water them. You're going to grow through them. That you're going to trust. You're going to pray. You're going to continue to steward that. And then you're going to see the blossoms start to come through.

So then so good. Well, I want to thank you for being here. I want to let the community know how they can get in contact with you. So you've got the brand new branding of the Stephanie gas show but tell us how they can find you to listen more to you because I know I know the love you, and I know that want to do that

For sure. So you guys come hang out on my show. The podcast is the Stephanie gash show at the top 25 podcasts for Christian entrepreneurs who need help with their clarity work, want to grow an evergreen audience and do business God's life and business God's way. And then secondly, Stephanie gas.com. I have freebies over there, all the things. Then the last one is we have a Facebook community and you can just search for Bitly slash or just type in Bitly slash success support group. And those are the three places to come learn about me, get to know me and get some more support just like this. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much stuff. You're welcome. Thanks Angie. All right. See, I told you guys she's inspirational. She's so awesome. So I hope you enjoyed that. I know you enjoyed that and if you want to get any further clarification on your calling and how you can integrate your calling into your world, then I highly recommend that course called clarify your calling.

And like I said, I'll put the link in the show notes. If for some reason you can't find it, just email me at Angie, Tony Rogers at Gmail, and I'll get you connected. If you've ever thought about starting a podcast. I took her podcast pro university course, and that's where I learned how to do all the logistics about starting a podcast. So I know at least a handful of you guys have asked me questions about how did you start your podcast? How do you do this? How to do that. And this particular course is exactly what I did. I took it and it walked me through every step to starting my podcast. So I highly recommend that as well. And that can be found ppu.atrogers.com. And that link will be in the show notes too. Okay. All right guys. Well, if you have any other questions or feedback, get into my email box, AngietoniniRogers@gmail.com, and I'm happy to connect with you there. Don't forget to get over in our community Facebook group at Holy made life and I'll see you over there. All right guys, have a fantastic day.

Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women just like us. You're five stars and written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see you in the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

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